Ok ok, its been almost a month since I've posted...and I don't have time to sum it all up right now, so I won't, but if there is anyone who actually reads this thing, I am still alive, I will post an update...when I have more time, and I feel up to writing it all down.

If you know me at all, you know I'm scatterbrained and slightly ADD...so what can I say, these things happen.

Stay tuned.

Memo to the Democrats: I'm glad you won. But the voters didn't vote for the Democrats. They voted for candidates who, as it happens, are Democrats. Just because a majority of Democrats hold seats in the Legislature now doesn't mean that you have a mandate from the People any more than Bush's 51% victory two years ago meant he had one then.
So stop talking about how the American People voted for a change in course. Stop celebrating this election as a win for the Democratic Party. If it were really about putting one party or another in power, we'd be voting for parties, not candidates, and we'd leave the choosing of the representatives up to you. Thankfully we don't. Another thing you should keep foremost in your minds: you didn't really win anyway. The Republicans merely lost. You had no better message or direction this time than you did the last time around.
To the candidates who won, please, please do your best to remember, you were elected by the people, not appointed by your Party. That means you are answerable to your constituents first, your party second.
The necessary check on our President has thankfully been restored. But for godsakes, don't abuse your newfound power with delusions that you will fix our problems.
You'll merely create new ones.

...fed up and tired and disgusted...or just frustrated with life being so complicated, jobs not paying enough money even if I do get them, dreams being in jeopardy because it takes so much just to live, and why the hell are politics such a fucking joke, i mean is it really possible that we've completely lost sight of what its about? they take taking power so fucking seriously that i wonder if they have any heart or brains or commitment to anything real at all. its depressing when even the guy you maybe sort of believed in turns out to have at least one completely boneheaded idea up his sleeve, boneheaded enough that now you're not sure you want to vote for him. and then you discover that the very process of voting in your new state is a fucking joke, there's no information, anywhere, and what little you do find is paltry and grossly inadequate. what the hell are we voting on? and who the hell for? are they worth our time? no really, do you WANT these people in office? do you believe in them? or are you forced to believe in them and vote for them because they just happen to be the people with the money, power, and influence to put themselves in the spotlight? besides that, who wants to see their dream slowly get plinked to death as they watch their bank account slowly shrink, realizing in the meantime that their new job isn't actually providing the shifts to fill the holes so that enough money is being made to keep from running out of it? not me...
too much to deal with. food is too expensive. hell, living is too expensive. and a bit complicated sometimes, even though most of the time we make it more complicated than it has to be...

So, in other news...wait, is there other news? Oh yeah, RunSport is going out of business. If not by the end of December, then by the end of January. Ironically this means that the last two times I've worked there have been some of the busiest. People come in and tell us how sorry they are that we're on our way out...but as a wise person in the store said, they're not keeping us in business. Its sad, but what's to be done...I think I'll wear the RunSport jersey in races for a while though (I mean who wouldn't? Its an adidas elite jersey...and its badass).
I guess I'm not particularly happy at the moment. Probably because of politics, which more and more strike me as a complete waste of time, and, well, just sad...is this really how America runs itself? And there is, of course, the issue of still not making enough money, even though I have secured the sought-after second job (it being only my first real week notwithstanding).

Oct 30-Nov 5 Summary:
Monday-1hr easy, ~9 miles with the Rice boys
Tuesday- Workout: Long way to Hermann, 5 min of hills, rest 5 min, then 6x hill loop that Adam created: 1:40/1:40/1:44/1:44/1:43/1:38 I have no idea how long it was. Rest 5 min, 5 min of hills, long way back to apt. ~8 miles
Wednesday- 1hr easy. ~9 miles
Thursday- 50 min easy, ~8 miles @night
Friday- 1hr easy, ~9 miles
Saturday- Workout: 2.5 mi warmup to North/South.
3x(start at South and Hazard, run to end medium-fast, then jog to North and run back to North and Hazard fast. Jog around school for recovery):
medium-fast/recovery/fast/long recovery:
Set 1: 3:38/38/3:30/2:42//
Set 2: 3:42/47/3:26/3:18//
Set 3: 3:14/1:14/3:21
The paces ended up being around 5:10/mi for the medium fast and 4:45-4:50/mi for the fast (Adam ran the last fast effort for a full mile to calibrate)
Jog 10 min
5x~100m strides (didn't do #6 because my right hip got tight)
~2 mi cooldown. Solid workout.
~11 miles
Sunday-1:46 easy. ~16 miles
Total: ~70 miles. And I got 57 hours of sleep, though not on as regular a schedule as I would like. Still, a good week, runningwise.

Nothing stinks up a room quite like a pair of running shorts. And nothing sucks quite like not having a closet to sequester said shorts in to contain the smell, because you LIVE in the closet where the shorts are kept. I need some more shorts...
I had forgotten to mention yesterday that the race ended in the Houston Zoo, and so for the first time in my more than four years here I found myself wandering around, looking at monkeys and giraffes (all I had time for). Its odd, when we're kids, we're filled with wonder, but even then the real incredulity of being able to actually see a real giraffe escapes us. (And no, incredulity really isn't the right word, but the right word doesn't really exist, or would have to be used horribly incorrectly to get my point across. Something like incredibleness or amazingness.) I mean think about it. When's the last time you saw a giraffe? We take it for granted, but this is an animal that's 16-18 FEET TALL. Its a friggin freak of nature, a messed up mutated cow for cryin out loud (and I say that with awe, not disdain). And its from AFRICA. In this world of unprecedented wealth and spectacle, we take a giraffe for granted; there's nothing special about it as an animal or where it comes from. But I think that's just because we've gotten so jaded with the truly wondrous.
Seriously, go to a zoo and just LOOK at one. Its a friggin giraffe! From Africa! Wtf!
Now that's exactly the kind of rant that will most likely completely escape you, because unless you've felt something like what I felt on Saturday, or unless what you just read somehow gets what I felt across in such a way that you can feel it too, this little bit simply won't mean anything to you. But I hope it does. Because we're never too old to find something in the world that makes us go, whoa, even if its something we've known about and seen before. In fact, I'd go so far as to say rediscovering something that we had glossed over as a regular part of our landscape as something completely new is a pretty neat experience.
I think it keeps us young.

Pictures of the race are available now at raceshots.net. Click on the Great Pumpkin Fun Run and enter bib# 1336.

Wow, so I suck at being a blogger...
The last week...well, lets see. I had three 12 hour ambulance shifts. That was fun. Especially since I ceased to be a 'white cloud.' I made the mistake of mentioning it to one of the crews, which naturally jinxed me, and we rolled 8 times that shift. Fun. But not really. Actually, that's not true, it really wasn't bad, I don't mind being that busy on a shift, since if you're not running a call, you're either sleeping or watching the television (cause honestly, who catches up on reading or paperwork when they're sitting around an ambulance station with nothing to do? Oh, responsible people? Shit, guess that's not me...). Its just that we didn't have any interesting calls. No car wrecks, or shootings, or cardiac arrests...the irony of course being that those are all terrible things to have happen to other people. But they happen to be the most interesting calls you can have on an ambulance...and we didn't have any on my shifts. Oh well.
Oh, yeah, my birthday happened. Stick in the mud and terrible prior-planning type that I am, I didn't do anything for it. Actually, my roommate offered to take me out to dinner, and even that hasn't happened yet. But honestly it feels odd to agitate for things on my birthday, ask for presents, etc...I only asked for things from my mom because she asked me what I wanted. Which was weird, considering she had already gotten me an early birthday present.
Fortunately I was saved from being a complete loser when a good friend here in town called me up, said I had to do something, and took me out for steak. Lemme tell ya, I hadn't had steak yet since being back in Texas, and its was marvelous. A really nice night too; one of my best friends who lives in Canada gave me a call, which meant a lot to me, and after steak we went for dessert to top off the night. Really saved the day and made my night. Its possible I'll still throw something together in the next week or so for a belated party. But really, in some ways I feel like I'm getting old enough that its not a big deal any more. (What? Are you crazy? You're in your twenties! This is the time to live it up, to throw a huge bash, go out on the town, get drunk, get girls, make a night of it, live large and live wild! Maybe so...but honestly, its just not that big a deal to me.)
On Wednesday, I got the good news that I had been hired by REI, which friggin rocks. Even my dad was happy, for even though I don't think either of my parents are enthusiastic about this being a career (I don't plan on it being one), Dad was nevertheless glad that I had gotten a job that he was pretty sure I'd enjoy (and he's right, I will). The only catch of course being the stuff you have to slog through to get to the fun stuff; job training started last night, and its a lot more...corporate than I guess I thought it would be. 'These are our policies, and here are some examples of situations where they might apply, and David, what do you think of Greg's conduct in this example? Is it consistent with our Code of Conduct?' Yuck. The ice breakers weren't much better. But REI is a big business, so I guess its to be expected. And I never really like ice breakers, no matter what the context is. So I don't really hold any of that against the job. Just not exactly what I expected is all.
And finally, before I bore you all to tears with the rest of my life, a little bit on the point of this blog to begin with: I ran my first post-collegiate race on Saturday, representing RunSport to a second place finish behind my roommate in the Texas Heart Institute and Houston Zoo Great Pumpkin Fun Run 5k. Adam and I started out together, and quickly strung the field out at about 4:50 pace or so. Half way through or so he gapped me by about 20 yards. I held him there until maybe three quarters of a mile to go, at which point we took a hard turn and he broke away, eventually putting about 23 seconds on me, as he finished in 14:57 and I finished in 15:19. Not the greatest time ever, and I had hoped to stick with Adam and go under 15 minutes, but I had a terrible week of sleep (the ambulance shifts started at 6 or 7am, and were between 20 and 45 minutes away, so I was waking up EARLY...and was somehow unable to get to bed any earlier than normal), and it was my first race in a long long time. So I'm not too worried about it. Plus, while Adam won two Continental plane tickets, whereever whenever, I won a $200 gift certificate to Tony's, a really really nice restaurant here in Houston. So I'm not complaining. Pictures should be available soon on raceshots.net. My bib number was 1336. Check it out to see me racing in orange for the first time.
Oh, and then there was NOD, Rice's Night of Decadence that night. I was going to go, but I was still on the fence about it at around 5 that afternoon, and they were short staffed for EMS, so I ended up working it instead. The whole thing was pretty subdued for NOD, only 14 EMS calls (about twice that number last year), and nothing really crazy that I heard about. So no crazy partying for me, and no crazy EMSing either. Hopefully I get to party soon...though honestly, I might have outgrown it. (No, never...)

Oct 23-Oct 29th Summary:
Monday-1hr easy, ~9 miles. At night...
Tuesday- Workout. Sorta. Run to Rice and run a loop (~3 mi), then run another loop getting progressively faster. I topped out around 5:26 pace. ~6 miles
Wednesday- 49 min easy. ~8 miles. At night...
Thursday- Workout: Warmup to Hermann. 5 min hills, 5 min rest, then 4 mi of 30 sec fast/30 sec jog, 5 min rest, 5 min hills. Cooldown back to apartment. Solid workout, but by myself. ~9 miles
Friday- 25 min easy warmup ~3 miles
Saturday- RACE 5k 15:19 2nd place With warmup and cooldown ~7 miles
Sunday-1:30 easy. ~14 miles
Total: ~56 miles. A little lighter week than planned because of the race which I registered for the day of.

Oh, and I lost my sunglasses on the way to the race. Fuckin A...those were spendy sunglasses. If you happen to see a pair of Oakley A Wires anywhere on Rice campus, let me know...cause I lost mine. Fuckin A...

And vote for Kinky.

I think I'm stymied by the fact that the looming terrible force that I must overcome, the obstacle that stands between me and the true potential for success, is something as simple as going to bed earlier. It is such a mundane, everyday hurdle that it is simply too easy to put aside and delay for five minutes, only to have that five minutes become an hour. I also realize that I really do have to cut out all the little distractions that keep me from doing the simple things like going to bed. No more RSS news feeds from digg or the BBC, Wired News or Extremetech. No more email subscriptions to PCMagazine or Ha'aretz. I should be checking email for no more than five minutes, because I have no email to read. And then I should sleep.

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Sometimes, you just go out and run. Times like that, it takes no effort. You don't have to set your mind adrift; it settles there without direction. Five minutes and an hour pass as if they were the same amount of time. You don't really fatigue or tire. You just...run.

Its almost as natural as breathing....sometimes.



As a reference, 'easy' running for me is, at the moment, right around 6:30 pace (mile), with a heart rate of 124.

It seems fall has finally made its actual arrival in Houston. After temps in the 90's earlier in the week (supposedly summer's last gasp), it has settled into the 70's and 80's during the day, and today we haven't even broken 70 yet (which means we probably won't). This a welcome change; fall took way too fucking long to get here.
Then there is the changing of the seasons...I alluded to it in an earlier post, the first time that fall made a tentative appearance, and then got bullied out of the room by an overzealous Gulf pattern. There's just something about it...makes you aware of where you are, makes you consider in more detail where you're going...or at least try to. Where am I? Right here, not even a quarter of the way into what I hope will be a long life (well, I hope for that at the moment anyway. Maybe I'll get to 80 and decide I've had my fill...). I'm in Houston, and still in a bit of a state of unsettledness (yes I know that's not a word). I'm waiting for certain things out of my control to get settled, therefore alleviating my sense of unsettledness...

So, that was earlier in the day, at work. I saved it there, as a draft, and I'm now coming back to it. I don't remember what i was going to write, but I just wrote a letter to a friend which I think sums up the last week or so pretty succinctly, so here it is...most of it anyway:

So, the last week or so...well, things are starting to get interesting, as I got a job interview at REI (yessssss) which I thought went well (yessssssssssssssssssssssss), but I haven't heard back from them and its been a little more than a week now (......) so I'll call them tomorrow to see whats up. One of the guys at the store got a real job, so now I"m working more hours, which is good, cause i'm making more money, but it also means I have less free time...I don't mind much because its giving my life more structure, I"m getting tired earlier in the night, which means I'm going to bed earlier, which means I'm getting more sleep...mostly...also haven't heard back from the ambulance agency I applied to yet, which is starting to frustrate me.
I know its a bit late now, but tell me about your birthday! Mine's actually on Tuesday. I have nothing planned...I'm a bit of a loser that way. Maybe I"ll pull something together tomorrow when I'm doing yet another 12 hour ambulance shift. We'll see.
Mostly though I'm still waiting for my life to get into more of a rhythm, though i suppose that's sort of happening on its own. My room is all nice now, I'm making extremely slow but somewhat steady progress on other things that I need to get done (website for work, etc). Running also got a lot better this week, now up to about 70 miles or so, which is where I should be anyway. I also now have a schedule to keep for running as well, which is always good.
Don't have much of a social life though, don't have a girlfriend either (sucks). (Well, maybe that's not true, I do have some of a social life....just not nearly as much as in college. Or maybe it just feels that way...)
Oh well. Such is life I guess. And really, I'm pretty happy. All I need to do is let a few months pass and then I'll be right in the thick of it. And that'll be good.
Oh yeah, and it finally has gotten cool here, like semi-permanently-winter cool. This morning I actually did my long run in a long-sleeved shirt.
Which, if you know about Houston weather, is kind of a big deal.

Yep, so there it is, my life recently. I guess I hadn't really mentioned the job interview...or had I? Oh wait, yeah I did....so yeah, that's sort of the big news in my life at the moment. That and I'm working more hours at the store now. Which is good.
So, now I have to go to bed, because I have three 12 hour ambulance shifts this week, and I need my sleep. So really quick, here's the week in review:

Oct 16-Oct 22 Summary:
Monday-Workout: Ballbuster. ~3 mi warmup
2 mi-10:20 ~3 min rest
2x1 mi-5:01/30 sec rest/5:19/~3 min rest
4x800m-2:34/30 sec rest/2:37/30 sec rest/2:36/30 sec rest/2:28
~2 mi cooldown. ~11 miles total.
This was in hot weather with the second mile not being marked very accurately.
Tuesday- 1 hr easy, ~9 miles
Wednesday- 1 hr easy, ~9 miles
Thursday- 1 hr easy, ~9 miles
Friday- 40 min moderate, ~7 miles. I hit 5:30 pace in there for a while...
Saturday- 43 min easy. ~6 miles. All I had time for.
Sunday-1:30 easy. ~13 miles
Total: ~64 miles. Not as many as I thought, but still, back on track. That is a sort of light average week.

Which, in short, means I'm back in the saddle. And as it happens, I finally have a running schedule as well, so now I have something to stick to, which will help a ton. I also think a race is in the wings, so I should have a real gauge of where I'm at soon.
Until then, its time for bed...

Alright, its late, I should go to sleep, or at least be doing something productive, but this is starting to piss me off, so this is what I've got to say:
Legal online music sales will never really take off, cover the losses being experienced as customers buy fewer and fewer CD's, or lure people away from free downloads on file sharing networks until songs are reasonably priced. 99 cents a song is too much. 50 cents a song is too much. Hell, 25 cents a song is arguably too much. Why? Two reasons.
First, check this logic out: the average CD has, say, 16 or seventeen tracks. That same CD sells for about 10-20 dollars, depending. That makes each track worth about 50-99 cents each. Included in that price is the cost of producing the CD, shipping it, putting it on the floor, advertising it through the store, and selling it to the customer with a cashier. None of these costs are present in an mp3 downloaded online. Unless there's some logic or facts that I'm missing, that means you'll never convince me to pay 99 cents for an mp3. Period.
Second, consider what you're getting when you 'own' a piece of music, be it as an mp3, on a CD, on a record, or an 8-track. What you have is a copy of a song being performed by the artist. You do not have the artist in front of you. The copy will always sound the same, aside from wear and tear on the physical medium if its not an mp3, no matter how many times you play it. And there are, in effect, an infinite number of copies of that same recording running around the world. In short, you paid for something that is almost completely un-unique. Perhaps more importantly, as I understand it anyway, the artist didn't see hardly any of the money that you paid. Most of it went to the label. So what's the point of paying a lot of money for a copy of what is in effect the stereotypical version of a song, especially when the artist hardly benefits? If I'm going to pay money for music, I'm much more willing to do it when its to see the artist live, to hear a new and original version of the song that I like, and when I know the artist is getting most of the money.
The bottom line seems to be that the whole system of record labels itself is now an arcane system. You signed up with a label because they had the infrastructure to produce a recording of your songs so that people would hear them so they'd come to your concerts. Now, the ability to literally produce your own music in a garage and distribute it over the internet practically for free makes the record label obsolete, or close enough anyway.
Seems that the record labels would much rather sue everyone they can get their hands on, rather than face up to this impending reality. And that pisses me off, because I just don't see it as piracy.
How can you steal something of which there are an infinite number of identical copies?

Ok, so I am aware that I am behind again on last week's running summary (this is a blog about running if you'll recall), but this time its not my fault. The last two days or so have been a continuous cycle of sleeping, eating, running, doing a shift in the ER for my EMT-Intermediate course, and then sleeping again...so I haven't had time to write. So, to get to the point:

Oct 9-Oct 15 Summary:
Monday-43 min easy, ~6 miles
Tuesday- 43 min easy, ~6 miles
Wednesday- 41 min moderate, which is to say I was going sub 6 min pace, but felt GREAT. ~7.5 miles
Thursday- Workout: 3 mile warmup. 5 min hill repeats. 1000m fast (2:56). 3000m of 30 sec fast/30 sec jog. 1000m fast (2:50). 5 min hill repeats. 3 mile cooldown. All in regular shoes at the bayou with mud and hills. Not bad. ~12 miles
Friday- 40 min easy, ~6 miles
Saturday- 33 min easy. ~4 miles. All I had time for.
Sunday-Rest. So I'm not perfect.
Total: ~52 miles.

Certainly not the Best Week Ever. But better than the last two weeks.
I'm slipping a little, not doing the greatest job getting to sleep. Gotta keep kicking myself in the butt to remind myself that I ALWAYS need to be getting to bed early, because I ALWAYS need more sleep. Its just not possible to get too much. Yet I still tell myself at 11pm that I have time to check email or facebook or some other thing that can definitely wait until the morning...and somehow this always ends up with me not getting to bed until after 1am. Gotta buckle down...

Man I am just not good about posting daily on this thing. Maybe I'm just not cut out to be a blogger...hope y'all have the patience for me.
So. Wednesday, had the kind of run that just makes running fun. Relatively short, only about 6 miles or so, but was just CRUISING along...ended up hitting sub-6 pace consistently (it was on a loop with known mile markers), and it felt like I was just running at a comfortable clip. This run was the definition of the runner's high, just simple pleasure at covering ground quickly, no pain, and virtually no effort. Just motion...so that was fun.
I applied for a job at REI last week, and already got an interview, which seemed to go really well. The supervisors interviewing me (two relatively young guys, one who has only been with the company a few months) started telling me about all the benefits of being an employee about half way through...doesn't seem like the kind of thing you'd do with somebody you didn't have a pretty good feeling about. Regardless, here's hoping it went as well as it seems like it did. I would LOVE to work at REI.
Sitting around at work today, stumbled upon a video of a debate of sorts between the producers of "Loose Change," a 9/11 conspiracy video, and the editors of Popular Mechanics magazine, who wrote a book debunking such conspiracy theories. Very very interesting to watch...really brought it home for me: it practically doesn't matter what the evidence is. If you are inclined to believe that there was a conspiracy on 9/11, then you will be receptive to arguments and evidence showing there was a conspiracy. If you don't, then you'll be receptive to arguements and evidence showing there wasn't. This issue, perhaps as well as any religion, demonstrates that no matter what the evidence, you're pretty much already predisposed to one side or the other. If the idea that our government would perpetrate an attack against its own citizens, and that our government is capable of carrying out such an attack makes sense to you, then you will probably believe the kind of arguments and evidence put forward by "Loose Change," no matter how many holes there are or doubts you're left with. If the same two ideas do not make sense to you, then you will probably believe the kind of arguments and evidence put forward by Popular Mechanics, no matter how many holes there are or doubts you're left with. Obviously, with such holes and doubts you might be swayed from your position somewhat, but I really wonder if anyone's position on 9/11 (or anything else for that matter) is determined by evidence. Sort of reminds me of that line from the Matrix-you've already made the choice; now you have to understand it.
As ever, I know there were other things that I was planning to write over the last few days, but of course while I sit here writing, I cannot recall them. But I'm sure 9/11 conspiracy theories provide plenty enough fodder for today. I'll get back to you if I remember the rest.

A runner friend of mine who is allegedly the only person who reads this blog for the running stuff (See? I have at least ONE loyal reader!) has indirectly reminded me that I am behind in my weekly updates. Guess I should fix that...now, don't run away on me if you're one of those that find the running stuff boring (odd, why then are you reading a blog about being a steeplechaser?), the rest of my life will follow, just wait...

Sept. 25-Oct. 1 Summary:
Monday-Rest (oops)
Tuesday- 40 min easy, ~6 miles
Wednesday- Workout: 3 mi warmup, then 4x4x400m (oh THIS was fun...) Target pace 66-68 (that's 4:24 to 4:32 mile pace, just so ya know), 1 min rest between intervals, 3 min rest between sets, on rough, uneven dirt and grass.
Times: Set 1: 66/64/67/67
Set 2: 66/67/67/68
Set 3: 67/66/68/69
Set 4: 67/66/69/66
Then 2 mi cool down. Fun. Not. 9 miles
Thursday- 55 min easy (SORE), ~8 miles
Friday- 43 min easy, ~6 miles
Saturday- 1:15 min easy. One of the most brutal runs of my life. Literally did not have the calories, and almost came to a dead stop at least three times. Ridiculous. ~11 miles, at best.
Sunday- Rest
Total: 40 miles. Pathetic.

Oct. 2-Oct. 8 Summary:
Monday- Yom Kippur Fast. Rest
Tuesday- 40 min moderate (at least last two miles at sub-6 min pace) ~7 miles
Wednesday- Rest. 12 hour ambulance shift+class sabotaged me. I gave up.
Thursday- 50 min easy, ~8 miles
Friday- 45 min easy, ~7 miles
Saturday- 45 min easy, ~7 miles
Sunday- 1:20 easy, ~12 miles
Total: 41 miles. Still pathetic.

So, last two weeks have not been that good runningwise. 40 miles is still enough to be legit training...but just barely.

In other news...my car FINALLY got registered, etc etc. I no longer drive with Oregon license plates. I no longer carry Oregon identification. I am officially, a resident of Texas. Kind of cool...but really quite scary. In any case, all that is done with...
So is my room. Now, I was going to post new pictures, proving that there are no longer boxes outside my door, that everything is moved in, that everything is clean, and that I am actually capable of living in a closet that is at least civilized...but unfortunatley, blogger is being a little bitch and would only upload one of my pictures. So I'll try again later.
What else? Oh, yeah, how about this: did a 12 hour ambulance rotation today (my second). We had only one call. I'll sum it up this way: If you're screwing your brother's wife, don't try to get out of the confrontation with your brother by claiming that your chest hurts, especially when you're 25. Because when you call EMS, and you say your chest hurts, we hook you up to this little machine that tells us exactly what your heart is doing. And when we find out that its doing exactly what its supposed to be doing, we will not give you drugs, we will not fall for your fake convulsions, and we will not be very sympathetic. Just so you know.
What else do I have? Oh, I know I had so much more to write...but then I always do. Grr...ah well. Guess that's all for now then. Its late anyway. But, bottom line, I'm a Texas resident now, my room is clean, all my stuff is put away...oh, I applied to work at REI, so we'll see what comes of that, and electricity is fucking expensive, and Houston drivers haven't gotten any better since yesterday (oh yeah, I posted yesterday, didn't I? Guess it actually hasn't been long at all since I've written, huh...but then if I go back and edit the first few lines of this (which I did, so now this little bit seems out of place...but with it, I can mess with your mind, bwahahahaha....), you'll never know the difference...interesting play....).
So yeah. That's life...
...at this moment in time...

Hold up, wait a second, got a comment here. Just noticed an article on BBC where some Danish students are apparently drawing a new set of cartoons depicting Muhammad in offensive ways. Two observations, with two comments: First, Iran and the Muslim Brotherhood have stated that the new cartoons 'insult Islam.' Second, the Danish Prime Minister is insisting that 'in no way represents the way the Danish people... view Muslims or Islam.'
Can we just discuss the ridiculousness of both these statements for a moment? Because I think this goes a long way towards explaining some of the world's problems. First, how is it possible to insult a religion? Its not a person, it doesn't have feelings, and if God's name is really Allah and He is taking offense at these cartoons, I'm sure He can deal with it Himself. What, Iran and the Muslim Brotherhood don't feel God is capable of wrath anymore?
Second, how could anyone believe that the Danes or any other country's citizens as a whole could be represented by one viewpoint? Does the Danish Prime Minister truly believe that all Danes believe a certain thing about Islam? How could he possibly say, "That's not what we think?" Hell, when you're dealing with the population the size of a country, how could you ever say, "This is what we think," or "That's not what we think?"
More importantly, are we (in the west) really that scared? This is what an open society is about! People will get offended! Why? BECAUSE PEOPLE ARE DIFFERENT!!! I think the Neo-Nazis are fucking retards, offensive and deplorable, but you know what? They still have the right to hold a 'rally' (I believe it was a dozen people, quite entertaining actually) on the steps of the Washington State Capitol building. And if I ever get caught being a hypocrite, trying to shut someone down for expressing an unpopular opinion, I hope someone finds this and throws it in my face. If democracy and plurality are about freedom, then we must remember that freedom isn't necessarily about happiness; in fact, I think you have to give up a certain amount of happiness (and security!) to achieve lasting freedom (a lesson lost on the current administration I think). If it were about everyone being happy, or everyone being secure...well, there's the problem though. And maybe this is what we just refuse to admit: WE WILL NEVER ALL BE HAPPY OR SECURE. So get over it. Life is dangerous. And sometimes unpleasant.
But if it wasn't, then what meaning would it have? Its like the guy said in Six Feet Under (a show I've never watched, I just caught this in a commercial): "Why do people have to die?" "To make life important."
So Mr. Danish Prime Minister: Get over the fact that some of your citizens are insensitive. And Iran and the Muslim Brotherhood: fucking get over yourselves already. If it were really that big a deal, I think God or maybe even Muhammad himself would have come down by now and had a word with the world.

Is there anything more annoying than waking up at 4:45 to go to an ambulance rotation starting at 6, only to arrive and discover that your clinical coordinator gave you the wrong date and your rotation is actually tomorrow? Oh oh, I know, how about Houston traffic when you're trying to get back into the city at 6am, and Houston drivers are being their normal stupid-ass selves, demonstrating a complete lack of understanding as to how freeways work. Honestly, is it so hard to be going freeway speed by the time you actually get to the freeway? (No, 45 mph does NOT count.) And then people slow down for absolutely no reason whatsoever, or even STOP COMPLETELY ON THE FREEWAY. Now, I know that there is science to it, that cars on a freeway actually act like molecules in fluid, and that there was probably something that happened half an hour earlier whose ripple effect was still being felt...except then we'll get back up to normal speed and everything spreads out, proving that there is actually plenty of space for everyone, and there was no need to slow down in the first place.
Oh wait, annoying things? How about a complete and utter lack of music on the radio at 6am? Well, I guess that's not so bad...Houston DJ's are bit more entertaining and less annoying than Portland ones (though not Nelson; well, he's not annoying anyway).
I'm not even in that bad of a mood...though now my gas tank is empty again. And I have to wake up at 4:45 again tomorrow (Oh boo hoo! Welcome to the real world! Some of us do this for a living!) (You know what? Shut up! Doesn't change the fact that its #!@&*$%@^!ing early!).
Yeah, so, back to bed for me, at least for a little while...I've got pictures of a finally finished and clean room that I plan to put up later today...and other news as well. I believe I have arrived...now I just need another job or two!
...good morning, the time is 6:57 am...

I keep missing a day or two, thinking I'll just remember what I was going to write, and get to it the next day...clearly my life is not yet in order. Just realized I didn't put up a summary from last week's running...and this week is extremely messed up. But honestly, who is actually reading this because I run?
I'm tired of watching the television and seeing absolutely beautiful, dynamic women making something happen, like being the one to take the necessary steps, with some guy, any guy, good guys and bad guys alike. I feel this doesn't happen. And if it does, I'm waiting for it to happen to me. What I mean by that is I'm waiting for what happens on TV to happen to me exactly, like, not just that its a pretty girl with a crush, or one who is coming on to me instead of me coming on to them, but for it all to be perfect. Cause its the right girl, the right time, there are no qualms, no doubts, it just happens, and everything would be good...
...but this is real life. It doesn't happen that way.
Is that a common theme in life, that it never is quite what fiction tells us it could be? All these mythical moments that we read about in books, find in history, watch on television or in the theater, or in the theatre for that matter...do they ever happen in real life? Or do we make it all up and pay good money to indulge in fantasies precisely because they are just that, fantasies? I'm sure its one of the myriad pieces of wisdom that I will not have until it is far too late to use it. Perhaps another theme of life...youth is wasted on the young, and wisdom wasted on the old...

So, the secret to this post is part of it was written yesterday, and the rest written today. I have no idea if the second part is what I had in mind when I wrote the first part. I have also naturally forgotten the rest of what I was going to say.
So I won't say it.
More coming soon.

Haven't written in a while. Oops. Sorry about that. Not like there's that many people reading this anyway...are there more than five? I'll probably never know. Oh well...
Feel like a lot has happened. Oh yeah, Yom Kippur. Jewish Day of Atonement. Day of Fasting. Supposedly a day of rejoicing as well. Honestly, I'm not sure I felt much of any of that this year. I didn't ask hardly anyone for forgiveness for the wrongs I have done them the past year. I never did the Tashlich service, where we symbolically throw away our sins. And today, the day after Yom Kippur, I'm not acting any different. My morning was squandered when my alarm didn't go off, my car still isn't registered in this state, I still don't have a second job, and I've still got stuff in boxes outside my room...
...guess I'm still waiting on that rhythm, or at best desperately fighting for it. And it frustrates me, because in moments of clarity, I see all these things that I want to do, work that I actually want to get done, and I berate myself for wasting hours like I do on stupid pointless shit. But then I never seem to have that clarity or awareness in the moment, when I'm wasting that hour, or even that minute, on something that doesn't matter, like television, or some weird tidbit I found on digg.com, or watching a music video...
...maybe I should just disconnect my computer. But I need that to get some of that work that I have done. Irony?
Ok ok, enough self pity. Back to business. As a part time heretic, and someone who is simply aware of how religion works, I do not believe that just because it is the day after Yom Kippur I am stuck with my sins for the next year. Forgiveness, if it means anything, means as much on the day after the Day of Atonement as it does in the ten days preceding it, so, if I have harmed you in any way in the past year, I ask your forgiveness for it. I do not do this because I believe it is necessary to cleanse my soul, nor do I see it as a requisite to being a good person, but I do acknowlege that I am a human being, with flaws, and that its a good thing to both recognize that, and to at least make a gesture of reconciliation with those who have been hurt by my imperfections. I know that this is a very impersonal way to do it, but honestly, I have no idea who I have hurt, or how, and while I should probably just ask everyone I know to forgive me, it seems rather pointless if I don't know what I'm being forgiven for. So, again, if I have hurt you, I am sorry, and I ask your forgiveness.
What else? Oh yeah, I would have summed up my running week sometime in the past few days. Can't really do that now, don't have my running log with me. It wasn't that heavy a week, except for the killer 400 interval workout we did in the middle of the week. I felt that for a while.
I'm sure there were other things that I wanted to say, complain about, marvel at, and simply comment on, but honestly I don't remember what they were. That's what happens when you fall behind in things like this: things fall by the wayside. Actually, seems like life has a lot of that, little things that just fall by the wayside, and you might notice at a time like this when you're taking stock of things, but honestly in another few hours, it'll be out of my mind, and whatever it was that I was going to say, or record about what I had thought or experienced in the last four days, will be gone forever. Most likely anyway. Odd kind of thought, isn't it. I wonder sometimes if when we're done with life that part of heaven or whatever will be a recording of some kind of our life, where we can see EVERYTHING...what we did, what we were thinking, what could have been, what other people were thinking or doing at certain times, or maybe all the time...you know, did she really like me? What did he think of me in that moment? Was she really that offended? Did he really believe what he was saying?
I think that would be an interesting thing to see.

One thing that I do remember: For those who don't know, Bill O'Reilly is a scary scary man. He believes he is objective, when his show is one of the most blatantly biased pieces of mass media I have ever seen. Certainly more frightening than the show itself is that people watch it and believe they are getting unbiased information. It is just unbelievable how many times he'll say something along the lines of "I don't want to point fingers, but..." and then essentially point a finger, or "I don't want to lay blame without due evidence, but..." and then go ahead and lay blame without due evidence. This is simply not responsible journalism, and not even responsible editorializing. Bias isn't even a bad thing. Selling bias as unbiased however, is not only disingenuous, its dangerous if your viewership is ignorant or trusting. And I bet a lot of them are; I certainly don't question what I read in the news and the media enough.
So, enough of that, back to work...

So, my strategies seem to be working. I slept in until about noon today, which is better than 2pm...so don't go on the internet at night, and leave the door open so I get daytime sunlight (remember, no windows! And the sun resets your sleep cycle, basically telling your body to get its ass out of bed). I'll bet though that the workout from Wednesday had something to do with it; I was a lot more tired when I went to bed around 11:30 last night than I have been in a while.
Tooling around the internet via digg (great site, forgot how much I like it, and I really don't care that much that only 40 or so people are making most of the recommendations, cause they find interesting stuff), and I found a site you might want to look at, and something worth a minor quip. First, check this site out:
109th Congress | Congress votes database | washingtonpost.com
You go into either the House or the Senate, and you can look up a short bio and voting record of any member of Congress. More importantly, the Post summarizes the really important votes, and for all votes takes note of the party line. So you can discover, for instance, that the Honorable Gordon Smith, R-Oregon, occasionally deviates from the party line, which is commendable. Even better, there's an RSS feed available for every member of Congress that will tell you when they vote and how they voted. Pretty damn cool if you ask me (cause honestly, how many of us actually hold our representatives accountable for anything? How many of us watch C-Span? Like, ever? Do any of us have any real sense at all of what's going on in D.C.? I certainly don't.)
The minor quip comes from an article about Symantec, makers of Norton Internet Security among other things, whining that Microsoft's inclusion of a firewall and anti-spyware software in Vista (and XP SP2) "reduces consumer choice." Now, its not that I don't disagree with this statement, but it bothers me: why the hell does Microsoft get in hot water for this, while no one says a thing about it concerning Apple? Apple bundles EVERYTHING with OS X, and no one that I have ever heard has ever complained about this. Hell, bundling a firewall is part of OS X's marketing for crying out loud: "Mac OS X was designed with security in mind. Windows just wasn’t built to bear the onslaught of attacks it suffers every day. A Mac offers a built-in firewall, doesn’t advertise its existence on the Net, and isn’t compromised within an hour of being turned on." (From Apple's website) But when Microsoft tries to improve Windows' security features, it gets burned. Hmm...
You might notice that there are times that I deviate completely from anything even remotely related to running. Well, for now, I say, so what? This is a blog meant for family and friends to keep up with me, but 'me' is a lot more than a runner, hence, I'll go on tangents from time to time...if you know me at all, you also know I can be pretty opinionated, and its fun to put opinions out there (especially when they start conversations).
You might also notice that I used to have another blog out there that was only opinions. Well, if people ever reading this thing in large numbers, and I start getting complaints that I don't stick to talking about my training regimen, what I eat, how much I sleep, and what shoes I wear enough, perhaps then the opinions will be returned to the other blog (which I haven't written in since 2004 or so...). Until then...well, enjoy, I guess.

So...yesterday's workout was killer. Wasn't really expecting it, and in the middle, I certainly wasn't sure I was going to be able to finish it. This was the first interval workout of the year, a 4x4x400m piece of tortured goodness. The setup was at the front of the school, read: very bad footing, hard to go fast on. Its our standard location for cross country 400 interval sessions (funny, I'm not really doing cross this year, am I...). Anyway, the workout was, as I said, 4x4x400m, with a minute between intervals, approximately 3 minutes between sets (turned out to about 3:30 each time). The pace was set at 66-68 for Pablo, Adam and me (Adam didn't have class in the afternoon, so he joined us. 66-68 is approximately 4:24-4:36 mile pace, just for reference. And yes, I know that wasn't proper grammar when I said Pablo, Adam, and me.).
We got off to a good start, hitting paces, and I felt pretty strong...but not four sets strong. I knew it would be a struggle later, and it was. But not exactly how I thought. I more fell asleep at the wheel than fell apart, and as long as I was able to wake myself up, I did just fine. Only two intervals were 69, and most were 66 or 67, right on pace, and faster that I ever expected I'd be able to hold.
I am certainly still feeling that workout today. Did about an hour run around lunch time, sore all over, took it pretty slow. Although it was one of those runs where I was still pretty aware of my body, not just sort of stumbling through it. What I mean is, sometimes (and I don't know how many other runners feel this) you'll be on a run, and your legs hate you, you feel tired, sore, and you think you're struggling...but then you step back for a moment, and sort of observe what you're feeling more objectively, and realize nothing really hurts, your legs are just being recalcitrant, like whiny children. They are actually capable of not only holding pace, but in fact staying at a faster pace, and its not painful, just uncomfortable. Somehow, you disassociate the two, and suddenly holding pace or even going faster isn't that big a deal. (This is on an easy run, post workout, though I suppose the same can apply to hard runs...but not always. Sometimes, it just HURTS.) Bottom line is, discomfort is the runner's bread and butter, and if you can realize that what your legs want you to think is pain is really just unpleasantness, you find you can just keep chugging along...
Hard runs, well, like I said, it sort of applies, but in the middle of a workout or a race, its a matter of constantly fighting your body into remembering that. Because often, all your body wants to do is stop.
I don't feel like that's the best description of what a hard workout is. If there are any other runners out there (Rice guys? Anybody?)reading this, it'd be cool if you put up your own take on a hard workout. Now I know that just sets me up for the embarrassment of no one posting a comment with such a description, but look, look at my face...thats me caring that no one reads this.
I write it mostly for my own edification anyway.
So there you have it, a post completely about running in a blog about running. Fancy that.
PS The battle for a regular sleep schedule continues. A new trick: don't check email, or the news, or anything even related to the internet before bed, therefore keeping me from being up for hours watching video demos of the gaming possibilities of the new quad-core processors Intel is cooking up, or of a dude who solo speed climbs El Cap with no protection to the amazement of other climbers on the route, or of the Cal/Stanford game with the incredible finish from like 1985 (all of which I watched this morning rather than last night, courtesy of digg.com, a great site). Old problem: I'm still tired but unable to sleep until a late hour that I won't mention, even if I don't get caught up with crap on the internet...
Oy.

The desire to write, the whim to read, the inclination to create, or read a book, or take a walk, to invest in life in a way that can not be captured the conventional day to day chores and activities, never seems to strike except at the most inconvenient times, like now, when I should be asleep, but instead find myself driven here, to record something that I am more channeling than creating, as small and inconsequential as it may be. I wonder why that is...
Perhaps it is because when you get it right, and you go to bed with no concerns or worries, your mind is able to float free, and go where it will, instead of being slave to the random senseless stimuli, pressures, and commitments of the mundane. So you stand for a moment before going to bed in front of your bookcase, and realize you're in the middle of three books that you haven't touched in months, and that it really would be nice to take yet a fourth untouched book down, go outside, and read in the warm sun.
Granted, of course, you could find a patch of grass in the middle of a city where you wouldn't be distracted by people, cars, planes, or even just birds and bugs.
And then something clicks, suddenly you have something to say that you want others to hear, so you get up and go to write it down, not really knowing why, knowing full well you're reneging on the commitment you made not twenty four hours ago to change, to get to bed on time, to get good sleep, to not give in to what really amounts to a pointless whim...yet you don't really feel like letting it bounce around in your head for the next hour before you get to sleep is really an option.
So here I am...and there it is.

I would say I'm out of whack, but I don't FEEL out of whack, I just look back at a day like today (slept until 2pm or so, got almost nothing done, and was doing homework for EMT-Intermediate just before class, such that I was late to class and I didn't get it all done anyway), and think, man, I'm out of whack.
I'm not on any regular schedule, mostly because none is being imposed on me. I don't work regularly, I don't run at a regular time, I don't eat at regular times, I don't sleep at regular times...well, I go to bed a pretty regular time, but its too late, and I haven't been getting up at a regular time...so its weird.
I'm just as scatterbrained as ever. Some days (most days?) I get little done, even though I have lists of things to do. Other days, or maybe just other times, OCD will hit, and I go into a flurry of productivity, and lots of things get done. I don't know whether to embrace this polarity as who I am, or fight it and force myself to be more regular. Obviously I should be more regimented for the sake of my training (the reason, of course, that I write this from Houston and not from Portland)...but sometimes I wonder if its even possible. I have been telling myself I'm working on changing these things about myself for years, but I can't really say if I have been trying and failing, or if I have never really given it the effort that it deserves, or if its even possible to change these things about myself. I also think people sometimes drive themselves nuts trying to change something about themselves when the better route would be to just accept who they are and work around their quirks. But then is that conceding defeat when I should be working harder? Such are the questions of life I guess...tricky when there is no instruction manual, mostly because there is no "right" way to live, just different ones...
Well, at least its not too late while I sit here writing this tonight. And tomorrow my car will hopefully be finally put back in order such that it will pass state inspection, the first step towards registration, licensing, etc, which means the car will get Texas plates, I'll get a Texas drivers license, and I'll somehow feel more permanently situated. I feel like the car has been on the back burner for a while, and once its taken care of I'll finally be able to move on and take care of everything else...
...but maybe I'm just fooling myself there too.
Funny, all of that just sort of exposes a lot of who I am, huh...I can be very self-assured, but I can also be very uncertain of what to do, or if its worth it, or even feasible. Character flaw? Perhaps. But if there were no flaws...well, actually, what would that be like? Just so happens I'm in a very philosophically rambling mood at the moment, you'll have to bear with me. I was going to say, but if there are no flaws, there'd be nothing interesting to look at, but I don't know if that's true either. I think that could very easily pass as just something someone might say to make excuses for flaws that have not been fixed. At the same time, I genuinely believe not all "flaws" are flaws, and that it is not necessarily a good thing to think that we should always be striving for perfection...I could very easily fall into a stupid little circle of pointless philosophical reflection here, and it'd all be legitimate, but it'd also all be something said before. My problem is I sympathize with both sides of the argument, and therefore get stuck between them. Yeah, that's my problem...
Man, that one was no fun. Sorry about that. If you're still reading, I congratulate you. Cause I'm not sure I had a point there except to drone on about the ridiculous and relatively inconsequential problems in my life. Maybe some day I'll come back and actually make something useful out of it by linking it to an argument about Prozac, Ritalin, and the like. But not tonight.

Yuck. How boring was that?

Week's summary:
Monday- 45 min easy, ~7 miles
Tuesday- Workout: 2 mi warmup, 2 mi @ 5:05 pace, 1 min rest, 2 mi (supposed to be around 5:30 or so, actual: 1st @ 5:11, 2nd @ 5:25) , 1 min rest, 2 mi @4:45 pace. 2 mi cool down. ~11 mi. Best workout I've had in a long time, indicates I'm in a lot better shape than I thought.
Wednesday- 1 hr easy, ~9 mi
Thursday- Rest (oops)
Friday- 47 min easy, ~8 mi
Saturday- 1:30 easy, ~14 mi
Sunday- 40 min moderate, ~7 mi
Total: 56 miles

An apt critique of our times, re the Pope's recent speech at the University of Regensberg:
"The pope forgot that the present era is "logocratic," an era in which life or death are determined by labels. The Holy See - like Mohammed, like the Catholic Church, like Islam - is a deep, complex and multi-layered historical institution. But in a world like ours, where ideas and values are constantly reduced to little packages that are easily identified and quickly digested, there is no longer a chance for complex messages." (Dan Rabinowitz, "The Return of Manuel II," opinion column for Ha'aretz Newspaper, Sept 21, 2006)
Is it really true that not only in America but throughout the world we are no longer capable of digesting multi-faceted issues or statements? Have we all truly been reduced to consumers unable to process anything more complex than the standard and often horribly inadequate (and appropriately named) Sound Bite? Why is it that we increasingly want everything to be reduced to black or white, never gray (or grey, or off-white, or jet-black as opposed to coal-black as opposed to bright-white as opposed to true-white...)?
Its really a shame if this is the case, especially since I firmly believe that God, if He is to be found, will not be found in black or white, but precisely in that complex and frightening uncertainty of gray.
Ha. As if any of that was original. Sorry, this particular post, while I wanted to post it, just strikes me as just another voice in a cacophony of gnats and mosquitoes, not really contributing much, not saying anything new. And what is there new to say? Its all been said before, in one form or another, by both the brilliant and the demented. Reminds me of that scene in Garden State where Zach Braff is asked to do something completely original, something that has never been done before in the history of the world...and he sticks out his finger and goes, "boop." (Or something like that...) I wonder if that really is the story of humanity. I wonder even more if there really is a point in hoping for anything different. Is there anything wrong with boop?

Had a close encounter with what you might call real life today...twice actually. First, I met with my friend who's in the financial business to talk about health insurance. He showed me around. He's got a pretty sweet cubicle in a corner, which means on two sides he's got open windows with an 11th story view of the 610 loop, looking northwest. More importantly, this guy has a "real" job; he goes to work every day in a tie, there's a secretary who calls him to let him know clients have arrived, and he's on a career path. Walking out of his office, looking around, I realized that when we speak of the "real" world (outside the hedges as we say (said? shit...) at Rice) in hushed tones with apprehension, awe, excitment, and a little bit of fear, this is what we're referring to. My friend had arrived. I, most certainly, have not. Or maybe I have, but its a completely different post-collegiate world than his, at least for the moment. I'm not exactly sure what I was feeling, or even what I am feeling, I just thought it was a really interesting contrast...a glimpse of "normal" life, which, owing to having a doctor for a father, I really have had very little contact with. I guess seeing my friend at work today (as a client no less) made a world that has been more or less mythical to me until now very much more concrete. It was an interesting experience...
...although not nearly as interesting as what happened later today when I was babysitting my coach's daughter. Maybe "babysitting" isn't the right term, as he was within 100 yards of us the whole time, but he had asked me to look after her while taking care of coaching duties. Suffice to say I was pretty much following her around, and owing to being in a public place, eventually among people who didn't know my coach, his daughter, or me. Suffice to say, people were watching me follow around this two year old kid, and eventually, two of these bystanders, separately and in passing, complimented me on such a beautiful kid. I was taken aback, and had to laugh; they thought she was my daughter. I mentioned it to my coach. He replied that its not all that unbelievable; apparently I look old enough to be a dad. I can't really describe what that felt like either...another glimpse perhaps of a life that I'm not living at the moment, but likely will be living in the future. It was a mix of things, really...pride at recieving a compliment which somehow seemed to simultaneously be an unstated approval of my alleged parenting skills, amusement at the humor of the babysitter being confused for the father, interest that somehow I fit some undefined profile that allowed me to be pegged as her dad. Again, an interesting mix of feelings in the midst of an odd peek of a different path I might have taken.

I've finally gotten my posters up, which means my room is starting to feel more and more like a room and less like a closet. This morning also happened to be absolutely GORGEOUS: low humidity and cool temperatures, in concert with a fantastic sunrise made for one of those mornings where you're just happy to be alive...cliches are really the only thing that can describe such mornings, because I don't know what else to say except that you could almost taste life itself in the air (ironic considering this morning confirmed that fall--the season of life going dormant for winter--is indeed on the way. Only fall could make such a beautiful day in Houston!).

I can't help but wonder how many people are reading this, and if there are any whom I don't know, who somehow stumbled upon it through Facebook or literally by chance on the web. Feel free to leave comments if you like. I'd be curious to see what people think about these missives of mine.

Just a quick note about our President, Shrub. I don't know about anyone else, but I'm getting sick and tired of the continual attempt to gloss over issues by trying to blanket them with names like "Freedom Agenda" "Patriot Act" "War on Terrorism" etc etc, and always framing arguments in such a way that whatever is actually the weakest point in policy as far as favor goes with the public is suddenly the central issue (the Middle East is the "central battlefield" of the war on terror, etc). I think the public is smart enough by now to realize that just because the President and his advisors are framing everything in patriotic and/or all-or-nothing terms doesn't make them so. The War on Terror is just as much a sham as the War on Drugs, the War on Poverty, and the War on Hunger. These are not things on which war can be declared. They will always exist in one form or another, because people will always want cheap thrills, wealth will always somehow become unevenly distributed (or there won't be enough to go around), and people will always seek ways to achieve power over others. Wishing that these things were a matter of national pride, national security, patriotism, or all-important matters of state does not mean that they are. More realistically, they are matters of reelection, and then only if the American public lets the politicos get away with it (and that's a term with specific meaning, you should look it up, because it applies directly to this administration, and most of all to Karl Rove). If you know me, you know that I actually find such rants against our President pretty pathetic and annoying (as bad as he is, he's not Hitler. I mean give me a break). But more and more, Shrub strikes me as even more pathetic than the rabble being roused by the masses against him.
The real point is that both our President AND his opponents are one-dimensional whiny bastards who aren't really thinking about anything except getting elected, getting reelected, or seeing to it that their will is done, "damn the torpedoes, full steam ahead." And that says something pretty sorry about the state of politics at the moment in this country. Maybe its always been this way, but I don't think we've always been so sterotypically and American-ly selfish.
Jon Stewart for President? Sure, I'd vote for him.
Anybody but a politician.

Fall made its first appearance tonight. Actually the first touch of winter's chill. That may sound ridiculous in September, especially in Houston where fall's first appearance means it was about 75 degrees, with matching percent humidity...but the air definitely felt different on my run. There's something that I almost smell, even though it has no scent, when the seasons change. I could sense that not-quite-smell tonight. Its really hard to describe, but if you've ever felt it, you know what I'm talking about.
I finally acquired a desk and bookcase. I don't know what it is about furniture that makes me feel this way, but when I was putting up the bookcase I definitely started to get the sense that I was moving in, not just into my room, but into the part of my life that comes after college. This is no longer the furniture provided by Brown College or Rice University, this is my bookcase, my desk, which (for better or for worse, but certainly in part because I'm poor) I picked out myself. And then there's always the possibility that when I move into a house, maybe even have a kid, they could one day be using this desk, or have that bookcase in their room...I still need a dresser.
Summary on the week of running:
Monday- 40 min easy, ~6 miles
Tuesday- Workout: 2 miles easy, 2 miles @ 6min pace, 2 miles @5:30 pace, 2 miles @5:11 pace. With warm up and cool down and strides, ~13 miles
Wednesday-40 min easy, ~6 miles
Thursday- Workout: 2 minutes hard, 2 minutes jog, then 10x~60 sec hill circuit w/~60 sec recovery. With warm up and cool down ~10 miles
Friday- 1:10 easy, ~10 miles
Saturday- 2:05 easy, ~18 miles
Sunday- 1:07 easy, ~10 miles
Total: 73 miles

So I'm off and running...

So a friend wrote me, wanting to know more about my life here in Houston..."where are you, exactly? Making a home for yourself in a closet, okay. In Houston, okay. But where in Houston is the closet? Are you in a house with a bunch of folks, on your own in a creatively-built apartment building? Is this a free-standing closet? Let me know how I am to imagine your life when I think of you and go, 'I wonder how that guy is?'"
All pertinent questions which I apparently haven't answered, which could probably stand to be answered in a blog about my life. So, here's most of what I wrote back:

...where in houston...well, as it turns out I'm living in what for all intents and purposes could be considered an athlete training complex, as something like half the men's track team lives in my apartment complex. Its maybe a third of a mile from campus, so I train with the guys all the time (actually did an 18 mile run with them this morning, now at work, and dead on my feet, haven't done an 18 miler in some months...). I'm living with two other old (old, we're only 22-24!) guys, Scott, a great guy who actually graduated with me last year as a fifth year, and was my host when I was being recruited by Rice way back when we were in high school, and Adam, a blazingly fast 800 meter runner who is now in med school at the Baylor College of Medicine. I just bought some dining chairs from Ikea yesterday, so now the downstairs is pretty much fully furnished (we hardly eat at the table, or together, so we weren't in that big a hurry to replace the fold-up camping chairs we were using).
Third, how is that guy...well, owing to that 18 miler this morning (which involved waking up around 6:15 and running by 7), I'm pretty tired, dead on my feet really...but life is good. I suppose I'm in a bit of a crisis at the moment, as there are too many people working at this little store, which means I'm working maybe 20 hours a week, and it looks like my monthly income at this rate will be about $500 or so...I think between rent, insurance, etc, that leaves...well now that I think about it, I don't think anything is left over. So basically, I need a second job. Now. I should probably be more concerned about this. I"m sure it'll kick in soon...
I still don't go to bed early enough. I'm often awake at 2am for no apparent reason. At the time I'm sure it seems relatively important, or I tell myself I'll be done in five minutes with whatever it is I'm doing (reading the news, shopping for the bookcase, desk, and dresser that I need...well, would live much more comfortably with, or just randomly surfing the internet...)
But other than that, not having those pieces of furniture, and having to go to the grocery store at what feels like two day intervals, I'm doing really well. Like, really really enjoying being out of school, hanging out, and just...living.
Its lonely sometimes. I've made creepy forays back on to campus probably more often than I should (not really creepy, its always to see friends), but honestly there's just not much socialization to be done off campus, or at least so it feels. Its mostly just hanging out at the apartment, which I'm not actually doing that much of, because as little as I'm working, when I'm not working, I'm always doing something else it feels like.
So I guess I just really like everything right now. My knee has stopped rebelling, and what with the long run today with no trouble, I think I'm ready to get back into gear and get some real training going. And that will be good, get on track for why I'm actually here.
I really liked your analogies there (contorting yourself in limbo when you know the bar is too low but you go for it anyways (maybe that's what I'm doing right now?)).
I miss Portland a lot too. If there were guys in Portland to train with, I'd head back there in a second...but for the moment, I'm here.
So yeah...that's a slice of my life at the moment. I'm poor, not really sure how its going to work out, and maybe just a touch lonely...but pretty darn happy with things for now. And if I can say that living in a closet with my clothes on the ground, most of my stuff in boxes, and unsure how long I'll be living (if only partially) on savings, then I must be doing something right.

Like I said, there it is, a slice of my life at the moment...which hopefully gives a bit more of a picture of what exactly it is that I'm doing.

Where I live

So...I live in a closet. Here's what I mean:

Outside the door. No, I'm not completely moved in or unpacked. You'll see why in a moment...notice how narrow the door is. Also notice the light switch on the OUTSIDE wall. That's because...I live in a closet.
















And through the door...here you can see my bed. Which is actually a futon. But its surprisingly comfy.




















My room. I mean closet...yes, I know its a mess.















But here's part of the reason why: no furniture! So my clothes at the moment are laid out (neatly) on the floor.















Shot back towards the door...that's no desk, its a TV table...with no desk chair (a problem actually fixed today). Notice also all my books in boxes and stacks in the corner--no bookcase either!















...and back towards the door. That little divider to the left hides the HEATER that I live with....it cycles on every once in a while, but isn't nearly as annoying as you might think.




















And that's my room (closet). The plan tomorrow is to get a bookcase at least, and possibly a dresser and desk, so that I can make the place look more livable...

...and DEAR GOD BLOGGER SUCKS FOR PHOTOS. If anyone knows any tricks to make that process easier, please tell me. Cause that was ridiculous.

While chillin at work...

Getting better at posting somewhat regularly...hopefully I'll keep it up.
So, it occurs to me there really isn't anything on this blog about my life as a semi-professional runner yet about being a semi-professional runner. Funny thing, seeing as how that's supposedly the topic of this whole thing...
So. First off, I'm not really a pro. Pros have sponsors, get paid to run, get free equipment, get endorsement deals...not the case for me. The only reason I can claim any kind of professional status is that since I am no longer a collegian, I can finally take prize money if I win something. Of course, I have yet to enter a race as a post-collegian, much less win one, so maybe it would be more accurate to say I'm an aspiring semi-professional runner.
What do I do? So far, not much. The last few weeks I havent run much because of an intermittent knee problem. In the fall, months away from the spring and summer track seasons, this means that I take time off and get healthy. So that's what I've been doing. My knee hasn't given me problems in a few days though, which means I will soon be ready to go full force. In this context, full force means eventually running 90-100 miles a week, with eating and sleeping habits to match. In a nutshell, that's what being a competitive runner is: running, eating, and sleeping. A lot.
For now, being a semi-pro runner means I work at a running store, train, pay the bills, and try to keep busy. So far, keeping busy isn't hard: My car still isn't registered here, I have hardly any furniture in my room so I haven't finished unpacking, my one job won't pay the bills so I'm applying for a second job, and I need things like health insurance...but eventually, it will mean a steady routine of sleep, run, eat, work, run, eat, repeat.

In more concrete terms: I want to qualify for the USA Championships. The A standard last year was 8:43. My current PR (Personal Record) is 9:04. So I've got some work to do.

Lots of people have asked me if I'm going to the Olympics. The truth is, almost certainly not. As the saying goes, you have to be so lucky after being so good, and I'm not even that good. Sure, to most folks who jog 20 miles a week at best, talk of a 100 mile week sounds superhuman. But in the world of elite athletes, what I am proposing is modest at best. Are the Olympics possible? Yes. Are they likely? Hardly.

But here's the whole point of what I'm doing with my life at the moment: I'll never really know unless I give it a shot. And right now, at this very moment, is my only opportunity. Its now or never.

So why not?


Cliche, I know. Trite even, maybe. But that is my life right now. I'm taking my shot. I'm going to do the best I can to run as fast as I can, and see what happens. Most likely all you'll ever hear from me about it will be what you read here.
But who knows, maybe in a few years you'll be able to say you know someone in a USA uniform.

Stay tuned.

Intentional crisis

Ok ok wait, so blogger's got this thing that scrolls recently published blogs so that you can sort of randomly tap into them, see what's up...maybe it just cause I don't know these people, but they're SO MUNDANE...is it trite to hope that just by writing a concieved-on-the-spot defense of myself I somehow transcend that state of utter blah? I write here because, hopefully, occasionally, my thoughts, musings, observations, etc, will be entertaining or interesting to someone, somewhere. Most likely someone I know, because they're the most likely people to read this.
However, if I'm ever boring you with details that don't matter for shit, anectdotes that simply aren't interesting, or observations that are stupid or not entertaining in the slightest, for godsakes let me know. I am NOT doing this to be just another one of the pathetic voices who are vomiting grey matter onto the net (am I? shit...). I'm doing it because what I'm doing with my life at the moment is somewhat unique (except I haven't really written about that yet, fuck...), and I have been told in the past that the mass emails I used to send to family and friends were found entertaining, at least by some. So I figure maybe, just maybe, it might also be the case here.
So, enjoy, read at your leisure, but feel free to keep me in line as well. Cause lets be honest, this is at least partly about consumption by the public...if it were just about me, I'd keep it all in a journal.

A little Bible reading to get us started

I feel like something dramatic.
Genesis 11: "Everyone on earth had the same language and the same words. And as they migrated from the east, they came upon a valley in the land of Shinar and settled there. They said to one another, 'Come, let us make bricks and burn them hard.' Brick served them as stone, and bitumen served them as mortar. And they said, 'Come, let us build us a city, and a tower with its top in the sky, to make a name for ourselves; else we shall be scattered all over the world.'

God came down to look at the city and the tower that man had built, and He said, 'If, as one people with one language for all, this is how they have begun to act, nothing that they may propose to do will be out of their reach. Let us, then, go down and confound their speech, so that they do not understand one another.'

Thus God scattered them from there over the face of the earth, and they stopped building the city. That is why it was called Babel, because there God confounded the speech of the whole earth; and from there God scattered them over the face of the whole earth."

Truth is we don't really understand each other even when we do speak the same language. Words hide, distort, confuse. We use them thinking they have universal meaning, but they don't, because you will never be inside someone else's head. Worse, even if you can find a way to wiggle inside, just a little bit, you might just as easily reject what you find as nonsensical, something you simply don't agree with.
And that's even if you're lucky enough to have gotten the message right.
But who really knows.

Do you really understand me?
Do I really understand you?
Did we ever?
Will we?

Does it matter?

Its interesting to note that contrary to the commentaries I've read before, man did not build the tower to try to reach God, or to assert his might, or to equate himself with the Divine, but rather simply so that he would not be forgotten and scattered to the winds. More importantly, God did not confound our speech for our alleged haughtiness, but rather because with unified language He apparently feared that we could do anything.
So maybe that's what our failure to understand each other, whether because of differences of language or otherwise, is all about. Its a hinderance, a challenge to be overcome. Because if we could overcome it, nothing would be impossible.
If we could only understand one another, the only limit to what we could accomplish would be our imagination.

If only it were that simple.

Too melodramatic? Ok, I'll stop then.