I would say I'm out of whack, but I don't FEEL out of whack, I just look back at a day like today (slept until 2pm or so, got almost nothing done, and was doing homework for EMT-Intermediate just before class, such that I was late to class and I didn't get it all done anyway), and think, man, I'm out of whack.
I'm not on any regular schedule, mostly because none is being imposed on me. I don't work regularly, I don't run at a regular time, I don't eat at regular times, I don't sleep at regular times...well, I go to bed a pretty regular time, but its too late, and I haven't been getting up at a regular time...so its weird.
I'm just as scatterbrained as ever. Some days (most days?) I get little done, even though I have lists of things to do. Other days, or maybe just other times, OCD will hit, and I go into a flurry of productivity, and lots of things get done. I don't know whether to embrace this polarity as who I am, or fight it and force myself to be more regular. Obviously I should be more regimented for the sake of my training (the reason, of course, that I write this from Houston and not from Portland)...but sometimes I wonder if its even possible. I have been telling myself I'm working on changing these things about myself for years, but I can't really say if I have been trying and failing, or if I have never really given it the effort that it deserves, or if its even possible to change these things about myself. I also think people sometimes drive themselves nuts trying to change something about themselves when the better route would be to just accept who they are and work around their quirks. But then is that conceding defeat when I should be working harder? Such are the questions of life I guess...tricky when there is no instruction manual, mostly because there is no "right" way to live, just different ones...
Well, at least its not too late while I sit here writing this tonight. And tomorrow my car will hopefully be finally put back in order such that it will pass state inspection, the first step towards registration, licensing, etc, which means the car will get Texas plates, I'll get a Texas drivers license, and I'll somehow feel more permanently situated. I feel like the car has been on the back burner for a while, and once its taken care of I'll finally be able to move on and take care of everything else...
...but maybe I'm just fooling myself there too.
Funny, all of that just sort of exposes a lot of who I am, huh...I can be very self-assured, but I can also be very uncertain of what to do, or if its worth it, or even feasible. Character flaw? Perhaps. But if there were no flaws...well, actually, what would that be like? Just so happens I'm in a very philosophically rambling mood at the moment, you'll have to bear with me. I was going to say, but if there are no flaws, there'd be nothing interesting to look at, but I don't know if that's true either. I think that could very easily pass as just something someone might say to make excuses for flaws that have not been fixed. At the same time, I genuinely believe not all "flaws" are flaws, and that it is not necessarily a good thing to think that we should always be striving for perfection...I could very easily fall into a stupid little circle of pointless philosophical reflection here, and it'd all be legitimate, but it'd also all be something said before. My problem is I sympathize with both sides of the argument, and therefore get stuck between them. Yeah, that's my problem...
Man, that one was no fun. Sorry about that. If you're still reading, I congratulate you. Cause I'm not sure I had a point there except to drone on about the ridiculous and relatively inconsequential problems in my life. Maybe some day I'll come back and actually make something useful out of it by linking it to an argument about Prozac, Ritalin, and the like. But not tonight.

Yuck. How boring was that?

Week's summary:
Monday- 45 min easy, ~7 miles
Tuesday- Workout: 2 mi warmup, 2 mi @ 5:05 pace, 1 min rest, 2 mi (supposed to be around 5:30 or so, actual: 1st @ 5:11, 2nd @ 5:25) , 1 min rest, 2 mi @4:45 pace. 2 mi cool down. ~11 mi. Best workout I've had in a long time, indicates I'm in a lot better shape than I thought.
Wednesday- 1 hr easy, ~9 mi
Thursday- Rest (oops)
Friday- 47 min easy, ~8 mi
Saturday- 1:30 easy, ~14 mi
Sunday- 40 min moderate, ~7 mi
Total: 56 miles