Running again

I'll never make it as a blogger. The impulse to write simply doesn't come regularly enough. And writing and blogging, like running, only really gets off the ground with a lot of consistent effort. Oh well.
I went to Washington DC and Philadelphia to watch my ex-girlfriend Sarah run her first marathon. Three miles used to be nearly impossible for her. Now she has run further than I ever have in my life. Its an odd reversal. I also saw two of my cousins while in DC. I can count the number of times I have seen them on one hand, and yet every time I see them we pick up right where we left off. Family is a wonderful thing. AJ, who is the eldest and closest to my age, suggested I move out there. Funny thing is, he was only half joking. I must say, as much as I miss the Northwest, I am tempted. Arlington seemed nice, and DC, for all the flaws I keep hearing about, is practically the center of activism in this country. Not that I'm interested in activism, but it does make for a vibrant undertone among the young adults there. Its almost like New York City, but fresher, and a little more institutionalized, what with all the towering monuments and such.
The next weekend my sister came to visit me and my brother for Thanksgiving. A rather low key visit, since as we get older my siblings and I seem to be relatively content to simply hang out; watch TV together, drive around to wherever we're going, with my brother maybe play a computer game or talk technology (which is funny to say because we're both a lot less geeky than we used to be)...point being, we don't do much. Family is family. I'm guessing it will mean more as we grow older, and the intervals between seeing each other become longer and longer.
The weekend after that, this past weekend, I went on a long-needed trip to see my grandparents in Kansas City. My aunt and uncle and cousins are also there, and I went to see them as well, but it was mostly to see Grandma Mickey and Grandpa Nic. Grandpa is now 87 years old, and while he seems to have hardly changed since when I was little, 87 is nothing to sneeze at. And Grandma has blown out a knee, and now swoops to one side when she walks, with a brace hiding under her clothes, and a cane by her side, even in the house. So far, I have been lucky as far as death goes, with only a very few distant relatives dying, and even those were ones I barely knew if at all, either because of distance or how young I was when they died. It is a strange thing to contemplate the death of my grandparents, especially since it is one of the many things in life I will not be able to comprehend at all until it happens. Its like looking through a one way mirror almost, but I'm on the wrong side. So I do what I can. My brother is planning on going up soon, and probably would have gone with me if I had let him know I was going sooner. I'll try to tag along with him when he goes.
If you're still reading, I'm impressed.
On to running. It has been something like two months since I have run seriously. Some sort of tightness that isn't exactly pain in my right hip always stops me. Some sort of residual effect of the plantar fasciitis in my right foot. In any case, Sarah asked me (or did I volunteer?) to run part of the last third of the marathon with her. I ended up running for more than an hour, and about six miles, albeit at about ten-minute pace. But I didn't stop, and I didn't hurt. In fact, my achilles bothered me much more than my hip or my foot. For various reasons, I haven't run since. But I gave it another whirl two nights ago. Forty minutes and about six miles at something like seven minute pace, with some tightness in my right hamstring, but nothing in my hip and little in my foot. And my foot hasn't felt any worse the last two days.

So maybe, just maybe, I'm back on the path of running.

I should be more excited.

Maybe I just need more sleep. What else is new?

Opportunity

Part of my job is posting job openings within the company. Earlier this week I came across not one but two openings for the same position that I hold now in Seattle. It really gave me pause. I would have had to leave the store where I just started as Admin, pretty much break lease with my roommates, find a place to live and people to run and train with all on my own...but nevertheless, there it was, a genuine and plausible opportunity to get back to the Northwest. I'm going to let this one pass, but it made me realize just how much I want to be home, and how much Houston isn't home. Other parts of Texas I think I'd be ok, but Houston just isn't it. And as much as I love being a Texan in Texas, the Northwest is where I belong.

Its just a matter of time.

In running news, I am still sidelined. But today, walking around, my foot felt curiously better. It has done this before, but I can't help being hopeful it might be taking a turn for the better. I need to run.

Focus lost

I went mountain biking on Sunday. I'm not sure I can say I've ever really done mountain biking before (actually, how many of us who own mountain bikes can say that? A ridiculously small percentage, considering...). I got blisters on both thumbs (no gloves), got a few scrapes, and my back was a little sore two days later.
None of which is the point. I had no business going mountain biking. I could have gotten hurt, badly. I do not fear getting hurt. Getting hurt is part of life. The point is, if I'm really serious about running, I shouldn't be taking that risk. If I'm hurt, I can't run. The fact that I am unable to run at the moment for other reasons is beside the point.
This is what people don't understand. "Man, I shouldn't be doing this, I could get hurt." "What? You're such a wuss." "No, I'm not scared of getting hurt, its just if I get hurt, I can't run." "Dude, PLENTY of people mountain bike and run. Hell, I'll go running with you tomorrow!"
Such comments belie a complete failure to comprehend what runners at this level do. Plenty of people run marathons, but very few race them. Sure, plenty of people run after mountain biking. But I guarantee none run the way I do. "I'll run with you...I won't go as fast, but I'll run with you..." Perhaps this is the point. Its not just that this person wouldn't have been able to keep up. Its the fact that they'd almost be doing something completely different. The proper word might be jogging.

On top of all this, I haven't run in more than a week. I will try again tomorrow, but I have a sneaky suspicion nothing will have changed. If that is the case, then I'm starting to run out of options. I've been better about icing, I've been working on my foot, and if anything I notice the problems more, not less. I find it hard to believe this could be it--the end--but it is possible. How sad would that be...

Either way, its damned annoying.

Is there really that much to say?

Welcome to the reintroduction of titles to post. I realize part of the reason I stopped writing so long ago was that often I don't feel there is that much to say. The day to day details of my life, to say nothing of hour to hour, can't be any more interesting than anyone else's. Different maybe, but no more enthralling. What's going on in my life? Something similar to what's going on in yours. Why aren't you writing a novel about it? Same reason I'm not.
Although, there are things running in the background. This past summer my mom and sister went to what is effectively the international summer camp for the world's girl scout organizations. An irony: its run by a former boy scout from Denmark. If you don't know, most scout organizations in the world are co-ed. Turns out this guy is looking to introduce some male staff to the program, and is allegedly hoping to use them to introduce some more high-adventure style programming (taking treks out into the Alps and actually camping out there, instead of simple day hikes, etc). Mom came back convinced that this is something I should investigate (and if you know anything about my parent's take on my wandering state the past year or so, you know that's kind of a big deal). I must admit, being a camping bum in the Swiss Alps certainly has its appeal. Quite a bit, actually...(I mean, c'mon, SWITZERLAND!).
I mentioned it to Steven at work, a guy who has become one of my best friends in the past year. At first, the reaction was "Sounds great, but I can't..." I mentioned it to him again the other night. The reaction was quite different. "Man, we really do need to do that..." "I thought you couldn't?" "Yeah, but come on, how can we not? We're supposed to be able to just jump at something like that."
That is of course not exactly how the conversation went, but that was the gist. Its all still academic; my email looking for information has not yet been replied to. But I wonder what I would do if they said yes, that's what's going on, and you sound like just the type. When can you start? Would I jump at it? Would I find a way to keep running over there? Would I just give it up?
How many people even get opportunities like that? I'm running now because I took an opportunity few ever have. Now another is potentially on the horizon. Another fork in the road?
This is one of the back burner issues at the moment.

Oh look, I came up with something to say.

Since this is technically a running blog (yes, facebook readers, you are reading a feed from a blog posted elsewhere), I should mention I am still sidelined with the plantar fasciitis crap, but massage seems to be helping, at least my foot FEELS better day to day...I will try running again in a few days. Hopefully it will clear up, because I'm not sure what to do. And the weather is so friggin nice. Its (mild) torture not to be able to run. And I'm starting to miss races. (The mark of a true runner: racing is often one of the most physically uncomfortable tasks you can take up, and you despise it while doing it, but then you can't, and you miss it. Only runners have screws loose like this.)
So we'll see in a few days.

So. It has been almost a year since a real post. Guess that makes me a terrible blogger. Oh well. Not that it matters much. Aside from a few passively curious facebook folks, I doubt anyone reads this. Blogging is a fad that will pass in any case. So thanks for tuning in.
The lack of posts is due to the nature of being a procrastinator. One, its something that I told myself I should do, so I put it off. Two, the longer I waited, the more there was to sum up, which meant it would take more time, which means I had more reason to put it off. And so on.
Then of course is the reason I stopped writing: I was pretty shook up by a very serious car wreck last November. If you're on facebook you can (or long since have) found the pictures. At the time, I figured maybe I shouldn't say anything about it in writing, just because there might be legal repercussions. And so on and so forth...
In any case, here I am, writing again. I'm probably putting something else off to do it too. Lucky for you, phantom reader.
And where do I find myself, having started year two of playing at being a professional runner? Much the same place as last year, and perhaps even less inspired. I'm starting to wonder if this little jaunt of mine is not the thing itself but merely the vehicle that is going to get me to the rest of my life. In other words, choosing to run after school might be the thing that knocked me off the standard career path that (most) everyone else takes, and on to whatever path it is that I will travel. I think I'm pretty ok with that.
The past year: As I said, a terrifying wreck in November. If you ever want a real life lesson in physics and physiology, get T-boned at 40+ mph. We forget how much force we're throwing around when we travel that fast in metal boxes that weigh several hundred pounds. Oh, and when they told you in biology class that the sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous systems can affect you systemically and instantaneously, they weren't kidding. (Editor's note, I do not recommend LOOKING for a real life experience to discover these things for yourself. Just take my word for it.)
For a month or so I didn't have a car, and rode my bike seven miles each way to work. It was actually pretty refreshing. I'm now saving up to buy a new bike so I can do it more often, but in comfort and with a little more speed. Dad generously sold me the spare Kia he had for the insurance check, so I am still driving a Sportage (albeit an automatic. Yuck).
What else? February was an interesting month, having to do with girls. I won't go into detail. Life is full of surprises though.
Its safe to say I have fallen in and out of love, had a fling or two (unusual...), and still spent most of the year on my own. Its funny, I thought I had more to say there, but its not really your business now is it...so I'll keep it to myself.
I was promoted at work. I am now the ddministrator (technically Administrative Specialist) at the store. It is good, I'm off my feet, I have regular and better hours, I have the flexibility I need, better pay, full benefits...everyone wants a piece of me, the job title really should be "everyone's bitch" as I am part secretary, part filing clerk, part tech support, part hiring manager, part HR liason, part purchasing agent, among other things. But I work well being pulled in ten directions at once. So it works.
Which brings me to running. I ran a handful of road races, won two of them, placed behind my roommate in a few others...then on to steeplechasing. I went to Oregon for my big shot, and fell for the first time, clipping a barrier with my LEAD foot, and falling on my quad right at my knee. I finished the race, but shouldn't have; the trauma and subsequent exacerbation had me out for a few weeks. I was left with a last-chance race in Indiana right after Nationals to try and pull something out of the season. It ended up being a really fun whirlwind 24 hour trip--literally left around 8am the day of the race, flew up, drove to the site, race at 10pm, drove back in the middle of the night, hung around the terminal until it opened, and flew back at the crack of dawn to arrive home around 8am the morning after I left. But of course, the race was completely mediocre: I ran yet another 9:05, the time that I have been pegged at for two years now.
Oh well.
So life goes on. I miss the Northwest more and more. I might be killing my soul living down here in Houston, and if I admit it, Texas. There's just not enough green, and no place to go to be outside (if you're from the Northwest, you know what I mean). I'm also fighting plantar fasciitis in my right foot, which has now somehow affected my heel strike in my right leg, so while I can run without problem, running will eventually cause problems. Absolutely the worst situation possible for a runner. Hopefully it clears up soon (before I go insane).
And that is the somewhat terrible synopsis of the past year as a steeplechaser.

Oh yeah, and of course, I'm now 24 years old.
Scary.

Congratulations and thank you for your attention. You have too much free time on your hands, or you have an unnatural obsession with my life. Or you're family...

More next time.

Ok ok, its been almost a month since I've posted...and I don't have time to sum it all up right now, so I won't, but if there is anyone who actually reads this thing, I am still alive, I will post an update...when I have more time, and I feel up to writing it all down.

If you know me at all, you know I'm scatterbrained and slightly ADD...so what can I say, these things happen.

Stay tuned.

Memo to the Democrats: I'm glad you won. But the voters didn't vote for the Democrats. They voted for candidates who, as it happens, are Democrats. Just because a majority of Democrats hold seats in the Legislature now doesn't mean that you have a mandate from the People any more than Bush's 51% victory two years ago meant he had one then.
So stop talking about how the American People voted for a change in course. Stop celebrating this election as a win for the Democratic Party. If it were really about putting one party or another in power, we'd be voting for parties, not candidates, and we'd leave the choosing of the representatives up to you. Thankfully we don't. Another thing you should keep foremost in your minds: you didn't really win anyway. The Republicans merely lost. You had no better message or direction this time than you did the last time around.
To the candidates who won, please, please do your best to remember, you were elected by the people, not appointed by your Party. That means you are answerable to your constituents first, your party second.
The necessary check on our President has thankfully been restored. But for godsakes, don't abuse your newfound power with delusions that you will fix our problems.
You'll merely create new ones.

...fed up and tired and disgusted...or just frustrated with life being so complicated, jobs not paying enough money even if I do get them, dreams being in jeopardy because it takes so much just to live, and why the hell are politics such a fucking joke, i mean is it really possible that we've completely lost sight of what its about? they take taking power so fucking seriously that i wonder if they have any heart or brains or commitment to anything real at all. its depressing when even the guy you maybe sort of believed in turns out to have at least one completely boneheaded idea up his sleeve, boneheaded enough that now you're not sure you want to vote for him. and then you discover that the very process of voting in your new state is a fucking joke, there's no information, anywhere, and what little you do find is paltry and grossly inadequate. what the hell are we voting on? and who the hell for? are they worth our time? no really, do you WANT these people in office? do you believe in them? or are you forced to believe in them and vote for them because they just happen to be the people with the money, power, and influence to put themselves in the spotlight? besides that, who wants to see their dream slowly get plinked to death as they watch their bank account slowly shrink, realizing in the meantime that their new job isn't actually providing the shifts to fill the holes so that enough money is being made to keep from running out of it? not me...
too much to deal with. food is too expensive. hell, living is too expensive. and a bit complicated sometimes, even though most of the time we make it more complicated than it has to be...

So, in other news...wait, is there other news? Oh yeah, RunSport is going out of business. If not by the end of December, then by the end of January. Ironically this means that the last two times I've worked there have been some of the busiest. People come in and tell us how sorry they are that we're on our way out...but as a wise person in the store said, they're not keeping us in business. Its sad, but what's to be done...I think I'll wear the RunSport jersey in races for a while though (I mean who wouldn't? Its an adidas elite jersey...and its badass).
I guess I'm not particularly happy at the moment. Probably because of politics, which more and more strike me as a complete waste of time, and, well, just sad...is this really how America runs itself? And there is, of course, the issue of still not making enough money, even though I have secured the sought-after second job (it being only my first real week notwithstanding).

Oct 30-Nov 5 Summary:
Monday-1hr easy, ~9 miles with the Rice boys
Tuesday- Workout: Long way to Hermann, 5 min of hills, rest 5 min, then 6x hill loop that Adam created: 1:40/1:40/1:44/1:44/1:43/1:38 I have no idea how long it was. Rest 5 min, 5 min of hills, long way back to apt. ~8 miles
Wednesday- 1hr easy. ~9 miles
Thursday- 50 min easy, ~8 miles @night
Friday- 1hr easy, ~9 miles
Saturday- Workout: 2.5 mi warmup to North/South.
3x(start at South and Hazard, run to end medium-fast, then jog to North and run back to North and Hazard fast. Jog around school for recovery):
medium-fast/recovery/fast/long recovery:
Set 1: 3:38/38/3:30/2:42//
Set 2: 3:42/47/3:26/3:18//
Set 3: 3:14/1:14/3:21
The paces ended up being around 5:10/mi for the medium fast and 4:45-4:50/mi for the fast (Adam ran the last fast effort for a full mile to calibrate)
Jog 10 min
5x~100m strides (didn't do #6 because my right hip got tight)
~2 mi cooldown. Solid workout.
~11 miles
Sunday-1:46 easy. ~16 miles
Total: ~70 miles. And I got 57 hours of sleep, though not on as regular a schedule as I would like. Still, a good week, runningwise.

Nothing stinks up a room quite like a pair of running shorts. And nothing sucks quite like not having a closet to sequester said shorts in to contain the smell, because you LIVE in the closet where the shorts are kept. I need some more shorts...
I had forgotten to mention yesterday that the race ended in the Houston Zoo, and so for the first time in my more than four years here I found myself wandering around, looking at monkeys and giraffes (all I had time for). Its odd, when we're kids, we're filled with wonder, but even then the real incredulity of being able to actually see a real giraffe escapes us. (And no, incredulity really isn't the right word, but the right word doesn't really exist, or would have to be used horribly incorrectly to get my point across. Something like incredibleness or amazingness.) I mean think about it. When's the last time you saw a giraffe? We take it for granted, but this is an animal that's 16-18 FEET TALL. Its a friggin freak of nature, a messed up mutated cow for cryin out loud (and I say that with awe, not disdain). And its from AFRICA. In this world of unprecedented wealth and spectacle, we take a giraffe for granted; there's nothing special about it as an animal or where it comes from. But I think that's just because we've gotten so jaded with the truly wondrous.
Seriously, go to a zoo and just LOOK at one. Its a friggin giraffe! From Africa! Wtf!
Now that's exactly the kind of rant that will most likely completely escape you, because unless you've felt something like what I felt on Saturday, or unless what you just read somehow gets what I felt across in such a way that you can feel it too, this little bit simply won't mean anything to you. But I hope it does. Because we're never too old to find something in the world that makes us go, whoa, even if its something we've known about and seen before. In fact, I'd go so far as to say rediscovering something that we had glossed over as a regular part of our landscape as something completely new is a pretty neat experience.
I think it keeps us young.

Pictures of the race are available now at raceshots.net. Click on the Great Pumpkin Fun Run and enter bib# 1336.

Wow, so I suck at being a blogger...
The last week...well, lets see. I had three 12 hour ambulance shifts. That was fun. Especially since I ceased to be a 'white cloud.' I made the mistake of mentioning it to one of the crews, which naturally jinxed me, and we rolled 8 times that shift. Fun. But not really. Actually, that's not true, it really wasn't bad, I don't mind being that busy on a shift, since if you're not running a call, you're either sleeping or watching the television (cause honestly, who catches up on reading or paperwork when they're sitting around an ambulance station with nothing to do? Oh, responsible people? Shit, guess that's not me...). Its just that we didn't have any interesting calls. No car wrecks, or shootings, or cardiac arrests...the irony of course being that those are all terrible things to have happen to other people. But they happen to be the most interesting calls you can have on an ambulance...and we didn't have any on my shifts. Oh well.
Oh, yeah, my birthday happened. Stick in the mud and terrible prior-planning type that I am, I didn't do anything for it. Actually, my roommate offered to take me out to dinner, and even that hasn't happened yet. But honestly it feels odd to agitate for things on my birthday, ask for presents, etc...I only asked for things from my mom because she asked me what I wanted. Which was weird, considering she had already gotten me an early birthday present.
Fortunately I was saved from being a complete loser when a good friend here in town called me up, said I had to do something, and took me out for steak. Lemme tell ya, I hadn't had steak yet since being back in Texas, and its was marvelous. A really nice night too; one of my best friends who lives in Canada gave me a call, which meant a lot to me, and after steak we went for dessert to top off the night. Really saved the day and made my night. Its possible I'll still throw something together in the next week or so for a belated party. But really, in some ways I feel like I'm getting old enough that its not a big deal any more. (What? Are you crazy? You're in your twenties! This is the time to live it up, to throw a huge bash, go out on the town, get drunk, get girls, make a night of it, live large and live wild! Maybe so...but honestly, its just not that big a deal to me.)
On Wednesday, I got the good news that I had been hired by REI, which friggin rocks. Even my dad was happy, for even though I don't think either of my parents are enthusiastic about this being a career (I don't plan on it being one), Dad was nevertheless glad that I had gotten a job that he was pretty sure I'd enjoy (and he's right, I will). The only catch of course being the stuff you have to slog through to get to the fun stuff; job training started last night, and its a lot more...corporate than I guess I thought it would be. 'These are our policies, and here are some examples of situations where they might apply, and David, what do you think of Greg's conduct in this example? Is it consistent with our Code of Conduct?' Yuck. The ice breakers weren't much better. But REI is a big business, so I guess its to be expected. And I never really like ice breakers, no matter what the context is. So I don't really hold any of that against the job. Just not exactly what I expected is all.
And finally, before I bore you all to tears with the rest of my life, a little bit on the point of this blog to begin with: I ran my first post-collegiate race on Saturday, representing RunSport to a second place finish behind my roommate in the Texas Heart Institute and Houston Zoo Great Pumpkin Fun Run 5k. Adam and I started out together, and quickly strung the field out at about 4:50 pace or so. Half way through or so he gapped me by about 20 yards. I held him there until maybe three quarters of a mile to go, at which point we took a hard turn and he broke away, eventually putting about 23 seconds on me, as he finished in 14:57 and I finished in 15:19. Not the greatest time ever, and I had hoped to stick with Adam and go under 15 minutes, but I had a terrible week of sleep (the ambulance shifts started at 6 or 7am, and were between 20 and 45 minutes away, so I was waking up EARLY...and was somehow unable to get to bed any earlier than normal), and it was my first race in a long long time. So I'm not too worried about it. Plus, while Adam won two Continental plane tickets, whereever whenever, I won a $200 gift certificate to Tony's, a really really nice restaurant here in Houston. So I'm not complaining. Pictures should be available soon on raceshots.net. My bib number was 1336. Check it out to see me racing in orange for the first time.
Oh, and then there was NOD, Rice's Night of Decadence that night. I was going to go, but I was still on the fence about it at around 5 that afternoon, and they were short staffed for EMS, so I ended up working it instead. The whole thing was pretty subdued for NOD, only 14 EMS calls (about twice that number last year), and nothing really crazy that I heard about. So no crazy partying for me, and no crazy EMSing either. Hopefully I get to party soon...though honestly, I might have outgrown it. (No, never...)

Oct 23-Oct 29th Summary:
Monday-1hr easy, ~9 miles. At night...
Tuesday- Workout. Sorta. Run to Rice and run a loop (~3 mi), then run another loop getting progressively faster. I topped out around 5:26 pace. ~6 miles
Wednesday- 49 min easy. ~8 miles. At night...
Thursday- Workout: Warmup to Hermann. 5 min hills, 5 min rest, then 4 mi of 30 sec fast/30 sec jog, 5 min rest, 5 min hills. Cooldown back to apartment. Solid workout, but by myself. ~9 miles
Friday- 25 min easy warmup ~3 miles
Saturday- RACE 5k 15:19 2nd place With warmup and cooldown ~7 miles
Sunday-1:30 easy. ~14 miles
Total: ~56 miles. A little lighter week than planned because of the race which I registered for the day of.

Oh, and I lost my sunglasses on the way to the race. Fuckin A...those were spendy sunglasses. If you happen to see a pair of Oakley A Wires anywhere on Rice campus, let me know...cause I lost mine. Fuckin A...

And vote for Kinky.

I think I'm stymied by the fact that the looming terrible force that I must overcome, the obstacle that stands between me and the true potential for success, is something as simple as going to bed earlier. It is such a mundane, everyday hurdle that it is simply too easy to put aside and delay for five minutes, only to have that five minutes become an hour. I also realize that I really do have to cut out all the little distractions that keep me from doing the simple things like going to bed. No more RSS news feeds from digg or the BBC, Wired News or Extremetech. No more email subscriptions to PCMagazine or Ha'aretz. I should be checking email for no more than five minutes, because I have no email to read. And then I should sleep.

***********************************************************************************

Sometimes, you just go out and run. Times like that, it takes no effort. You don't have to set your mind adrift; it settles there without direction. Five minutes and an hour pass as if they were the same amount of time. You don't really fatigue or tire. You just...run.

Its almost as natural as breathing....sometimes.



As a reference, 'easy' running for me is, at the moment, right around 6:30 pace (mile), with a heart rate of 124.

It seems fall has finally made its actual arrival in Houston. After temps in the 90's earlier in the week (supposedly summer's last gasp), it has settled into the 70's and 80's during the day, and today we haven't even broken 70 yet (which means we probably won't). This a welcome change; fall took way too fucking long to get here.
Then there is the changing of the seasons...I alluded to it in an earlier post, the first time that fall made a tentative appearance, and then got bullied out of the room by an overzealous Gulf pattern. There's just something about it...makes you aware of where you are, makes you consider in more detail where you're going...or at least try to. Where am I? Right here, not even a quarter of the way into what I hope will be a long life (well, I hope for that at the moment anyway. Maybe I'll get to 80 and decide I've had my fill...). I'm in Houston, and still in a bit of a state of unsettledness (yes I know that's not a word). I'm waiting for certain things out of my control to get settled, therefore alleviating my sense of unsettledness...

So, that was earlier in the day, at work. I saved it there, as a draft, and I'm now coming back to it. I don't remember what i was going to write, but I just wrote a letter to a friend which I think sums up the last week or so pretty succinctly, so here it is...most of it anyway:

So, the last week or so...well, things are starting to get interesting, as I got a job interview at REI (yessssss) which I thought went well (yessssssssssssssssssssssss), but I haven't heard back from them and its been a little more than a week now (......) so I'll call them tomorrow to see whats up. One of the guys at the store got a real job, so now I"m working more hours, which is good, cause i'm making more money, but it also means I have less free time...I don't mind much because its giving my life more structure, I"m getting tired earlier in the night, which means I'm going to bed earlier, which means I'm getting more sleep...mostly...also haven't heard back from the ambulance agency I applied to yet, which is starting to frustrate me.
I know its a bit late now, but tell me about your birthday! Mine's actually on Tuesday. I have nothing planned...I'm a bit of a loser that way. Maybe I"ll pull something together tomorrow when I'm doing yet another 12 hour ambulance shift. We'll see.
Mostly though I'm still waiting for my life to get into more of a rhythm, though i suppose that's sort of happening on its own. My room is all nice now, I'm making extremely slow but somewhat steady progress on other things that I need to get done (website for work, etc). Running also got a lot better this week, now up to about 70 miles or so, which is where I should be anyway. I also now have a schedule to keep for running as well, which is always good.
Don't have much of a social life though, don't have a girlfriend either (sucks). (Well, maybe that's not true, I do have some of a social life....just not nearly as much as in college. Or maybe it just feels that way...)
Oh well. Such is life I guess. And really, I'm pretty happy. All I need to do is let a few months pass and then I'll be right in the thick of it. And that'll be good.
Oh yeah, and it finally has gotten cool here, like semi-permanently-winter cool. This morning I actually did my long run in a long-sleeved shirt.
Which, if you know about Houston weather, is kind of a big deal.

Yep, so there it is, my life recently. I guess I hadn't really mentioned the job interview...or had I? Oh wait, yeah I did....so yeah, that's sort of the big news in my life at the moment. That and I'm working more hours at the store now. Which is good.
So, now I have to go to bed, because I have three 12 hour ambulance shifts this week, and I need my sleep. So really quick, here's the week in review:

Oct 16-Oct 22 Summary:
Monday-Workout: Ballbuster. ~3 mi warmup
2 mi-10:20 ~3 min rest
2x1 mi-5:01/30 sec rest/5:19/~3 min rest
4x800m-2:34/30 sec rest/2:37/30 sec rest/2:36/30 sec rest/2:28
~2 mi cooldown. ~11 miles total.
This was in hot weather with the second mile not being marked very accurately.
Tuesday- 1 hr easy, ~9 miles
Wednesday- 1 hr easy, ~9 miles
Thursday- 1 hr easy, ~9 miles
Friday- 40 min moderate, ~7 miles. I hit 5:30 pace in there for a while...
Saturday- 43 min easy. ~6 miles. All I had time for.
Sunday-1:30 easy. ~13 miles
Total: ~64 miles. Not as many as I thought, but still, back on track. That is a sort of light average week.

Which, in short, means I'm back in the saddle. And as it happens, I finally have a running schedule as well, so now I have something to stick to, which will help a ton. I also think a race is in the wings, so I should have a real gauge of where I'm at soon.
Until then, its time for bed...

Alright, its late, I should go to sleep, or at least be doing something productive, but this is starting to piss me off, so this is what I've got to say:
Legal online music sales will never really take off, cover the losses being experienced as customers buy fewer and fewer CD's, or lure people away from free downloads on file sharing networks until songs are reasonably priced. 99 cents a song is too much. 50 cents a song is too much. Hell, 25 cents a song is arguably too much. Why? Two reasons.
First, check this logic out: the average CD has, say, 16 or seventeen tracks. That same CD sells for about 10-20 dollars, depending. That makes each track worth about 50-99 cents each. Included in that price is the cost of producing the CD, shipping it, putting it on the floor, advertising it through the store, and selling it to the customer with a cashier. None of these costs are present in an mp3 downloaded online. Unless there's some logic or facts that I'm missing, that means you'll never convince me to pay 99 cents for an mp3. Period.
Second, consider what you're getting when you 'own' a piece of music, be it as an mp3, on a CD, on a record, or an 8-track. What you have is a copy of a song being performed by the artist. You do not have the artist in front of you. The copy will always sound the same, aside from wear and tear on the physical medium if its not an mp3, no matter how many times you play it. And there are, in effect, an infinite number of copies of that same recording running around the world. In short, you paid for something that is almost completely un-unique. Perhaps more importantly, as I understand it anyway, the artist didn't see hardly any of the money that you paid. Most of it went to the label. So what's the point of paying a lot of money for a copy of what is in effect the stereotypical version of a song, especially when the artist hardly benefits? If I'm going to pay money for music, I'm much more willing to do it when its to see the artist live, to hear a new and original version of the song that I like, and when I know the artist is getting most of the money.
The bottom line seems to be that the whole system of record labels itself is now an arcane system. You signed up with a label because they had the infrastructure to produce a recording of your songs so that people would hear them so they'd come to your concerts. Now, the ability to literally produce your own music in a garage and distribute it over the internet practically for free makes the record label obsolete, or close enough anyway.
Seems that the record labels would much rather sue everyone they can get their hands on, rather than face up to this impending reality. And that pisses me off, because I just don't see it as piracy.
How can you steal something of which there are an infinite number of identical copies?

Ok, so I am aware that I am behind again on last week's running summary (this is a blog about running if you'll recall), but this time its not my fault. The last two days or so have been a continuous cycle of sleeping, eating, running, doing a shift in the ER for my EMT-Intermediate course, and then sleeping again...so I haven't had time to write. So, to get to the point:

Oct 9-Oct 15 Summary:
Monday-43 min easy, ~6 miles
Tuesday- 43 min easy, ~6 miles
Wednesday- 41 min moderate, which is to say I was going sub 6 min pace, but felt GREAT. ~7.5 miles
Thursday- Workout: 3 mile warmup. 5 min hill repeats. 1000m fast (2:56). 3000m of 30 sec fast/30 sec jog. 1000m fast (2:50). 5 min hill repeats. 3 mile cooldown. All in regular shoes at the bayou with mud and hills. Not bad. ~12 miles
Friday- 40 min easy, ~6 miles
Saturday- 33 min easy. ~4 miles. All I had time for.
Sunday-Rest. So I'm not perfect.
Total: ~52 miles.

Certainly not the Best Week Ever. But better than the last two weeks.
I'm slipping a little, not doing the greatest job getting to sleep. Gotta keep kicking myself in the butt to remind myself that I ALWAYS need to be getting to bed early, because I ALWAYS need more sleep. Its just not possible to get too much. Yet I still tell myself at 11pm that I have time to check email or facebook or some other thing that can definitely wait until the morning...and somehow this always ends up with me not getting to bed until after 1am. Gotta buckle down...

Man I am just not good about posting daily on this thing. Maybe I'm just not cut out to be a blogger...hope y'all have the patience for me.
So. Wednesday, had the kind of run that just makes running fun. Relatively short, only about 6 miles or so, but was just CRUISING along...ended up hitting sub-6 pace consistently (it was on a loop with known mile markers), and it felt like I was just running at a comfortable clip. This run was the definition of the runner's high, just simple pleasure at covering ground quickly, no pain, and virtually no effort. Just motion...so that was fun.
I applied for a job at REI last week, and already got an interview, which seemed to go really well. The supervisors interviewing me (two relatively young guys, one who has only been with the company a few months) started telling me about all the benefits of being an employee about half way through...doesn't seem like the kind of thing you'd do with somebody you didn't have a pretty good feeling about. Regardless, here's hoping it went as well as it seems like it did. I would LOVE to work at REI.
Sitting around at work today, stumbled upon a video of a debate of sorts between the producers of "Loose Change," a 9/11 conspiracy video, and the editors of Popular Mechanics magazine, who wrote a book debunking such conspiracy theories. Very very interesting to watch...really brought it home for me: it practically doesn't matter what the evidence is. If you are inclined to believe that there was a conspiracy on 9/11, then you will be receptive to arguments and evidence showing there was a conspiracy. If you don't, then you'll be receptive to arguements and evidence showing there wasn't. This issue, perhaps as well as any religion, demonstrates that no matter what the evidence, you're pretty much already predisposed to one side or the other. If the idea that our government would perpetrate an attack against its own citizens, and that our government is capable of carrying out such an attack makes sense to you, then you will probably believe the kind of arguments and evidence put forward by "Loose Change," no matter how many holes there are or doubts you're left with. If the same two ideas do not make sense to you, then you will probably believe the kind of arguments and evidence put forward by Popular Mechanics, no matter how many holes there are or doubts you're left with. Obviously, with such holes and doubts you might be swayed from your position somewhat, but I really wonder if anyone's position on 9/11 (or anything else for that matter) is determined by evidence. Sort of reminds me of that line from the Matrix-you've already made the choice; now you have to understand it.
As ever, I know there were other things that I was planning to write over the last few days, but of course while I sit here writing, I cannot recall them. But I'm sure 9/11 conspiracy theories provide plenty enough fodder for today. I'll get back to you if I remember the rest.

A runner friend of mine who is allegedly the only person who reads this blog for the running stuff (See? I have at least ONE loyal reader!) has indirectly reminded me that I am behind in my weekly updates. Guess I should fix that...now, don't run away on me if you're one of those that find the running stuff boring (odd, why then are you reading a blog about being a steeplechaser?), the rest of my life will follow, just wait...

Sept. 25-Oct. 1 Summary:
Monday-Rest (oops)
Tuesday- 40 min easy, ~6 miles
Wednesday- Workout: 3 mi warmup, then 4x4x400m (oh THIS was fun...) Target pace 66-68 (that's 4:24 to 4:32 mile pace, just so ya know), 1 min rest between intervals, 3 min rest between sets, on rough, uneven dirt and grass.
Times: Set 1: 66/64/67/67
Set 2: 66/67/67/68
Set 3: 67/66/68/69
Set 4: 67/66/69/66
Then 2 mi cool down. Fun. Not. 9 miles
Thursday- 55 min easy (SORE), ~8 miles
Friday- 43 min easy, ~6 miles
Saturday- 1:15 min easy. One of the most brutal runs of my life. Literally did not have the calories, and almost came to a dead stop at least three times. Ridiculous. ~11 miles, at best.
Sunday- Rest
Total: 40 miles. Pathetic.

Oct. 2-Oct. 8 Summary:
Monday- Yom Kippur Fast. Rest
Tuesday- 40 min moderate (at least last two miles at sub-6 min pace) ~7 miles
Wednesday- Rest. 12 hour ambulance shift+class sabotaged me. I gave up.
Thursday- 50 min easy, ~8 miles
Friday- 45 min easy, ~7 miles
Saturday- 45 min easy, ~7 miles
Sunday- 1:20 easy, ~12 miles
Total: 41 miles. Still pathetic.

So, last two weeks have not been that good runningwise. 40 miles is still enough to be legit training...but just barely.

In other news...my car FINALLY got registered, etc etc. I no longer drive with Oregon license plates. I no longer carry Oregon identification. I am officially, a resident of Texas. Kind of cool...but really quite scary. In any case, all that is done with...
So is my room. Now, I was going to post new pictures, proving that there are no longer boxes outside my door, that everything is moved in, that everything is clean, and that I am actually capable of living in a closet that is at least civilized...but unfortunatley, blogger is being a little bitch and would only upload one of my pictures. So I'll try again later.
What else? Oh, yeah, how about this: did a 12 hour ambulance rotation today (my second). We had only one call. I'll sum it up this way: If you're screwing your brother's wife, don't try to get out of the confrontation with your brother by claiming that your chest hurts, especially when you're 25. Because when you call EMS, and you say your chest hurts, we hook you up to this little machine that tells us exactly what your heart is doing. And when we find out that its doing exactly what its supposed to be doing, we will not give you drugs, we will not fall for your fake convulsions, and we will not be very sympathetic. Just so you know.
What else do I have? Oh, I know I had so much more to write...but then I always do. Grr...ah well. Guess that's all for now then. Its late anyway. But, bottom line, I'm a Texas resident now, my room is clean, all my stuff is put away...oh, I applied to work at REI, so we'll see what comes of that, and electricity is fucking expensive, and Houston drivers haven't gotten any better since yesterday (oh yeah, I posted yesterday, didn't I? Guess it actually hasn't been long at all since I've written, huh...but then if I go back and edit the first few lines of this (which I did, so now this little bit seems out of place...but with it, I can mess with your mind, bwahahahaha....), you'll never know the difference...interesting play....).
So yeah. That's life...
...at this moment in time...

Hold up, wait a second, got a comment here. Just noticed an article on BBC where some Danish students are apparently drawing a new set of cartoons depicting Muhammad in offensive ways. Two observations, with two comments: First, Iran and the Muslim Brotherhood have stated that the new cartoons 'insult Islam.' Second, the Danish Prime Minister is insisting that 'in no way represents the way the Danish people... view Muslims or Islam.'
Can we just discuss the ridiculousness of both these statements for a moment? Because I think this goes a long way towards explaining some of the world's problems. First, how is it possible to insult a religion? Its not a person, it doesn't have feelings, and if God's name is really Allah and He is taking offense at these cartoons, I'm sure He can deal with it Himself. What, Iran and the Muslim Brotherhood don't feel God is capable of wrath anymore?
Second, how could anyone believe that the Danes or any other country's citizens as a whole could be represented by one viewpoint? Does the Danish Prime Minister truly believe that all Danes believe a certain thing about Islam? How could he possibly say, "That's not what we think?" Hell, when you're dealing with the population the size of a country, how could you ever say, "This is what we think," or "That's not what we think?"
More importantly, are we (in the west) really that scared? This is what an open society is about! People will get offended! Why? BECAUSE PEOPLE ARE DIFFERENT!!! I think the Neo-Nazis are fucking retards, offensive and deplorable, but you know what? They still have the right to hold a 'rally' (I believe it was a dozen people, quite entertaining actually) on the steps of the Washington State Capitol building. And if I ever get caught being a hypocrite, trying to shut someone down for expressing an unpopular opinion, I hope someone finds this and throws it in my face. If democracy and plurality are about freedom, then we must remember that freedom isn't necessarily about happiness; in fact, I think you have to give up a certain amount of happiness (and security!) to achieve lasting freedom (a lesson lost on the current administration I think). If it were about everyone being happy, or everyone being secure...well, there's the problem though. And maybe this is what we just refuse to admit: WE WILL NEVER ALL BE HAPPY OR SECURE. So get over it. Life is dangerous. And sometimes unpleasant.
But if it wasn't, then what meaning would it have? Its like the guy said in Six Feet Under (a show I've never watched, I just caught this in a commercial): "Why do people have to die?" "To make life important."
So Mr. Danish Prime Minister: Get over the fact that some of your citizens are insensitive. And Iran and the Muslim Brotherhood: fucking get over yourselves already. If it were really that big a deal, I think God or maybe even Muhammad himself would have come down by now and had a word with the world.

Is there anything more annoying than waking up at 4:45 to go to an ambulance rotation starting at 6, only to arrive and discover that your clinical coordinator gave you the wrong date and your rotation is actually tomorrow? Oh oh, I know, how about Houston traffic when you're trying to get back into the city at 6am, and Houston drivers are being their normal stupid-ass selves, demonstrating a complete lack of understanding as to how freeways work. Honestly, is it so hard to be going freeway speed by the time you actually get to the freeway? (No, 45 mph does NOT count.) And then people slow down for absolutely no reason whatsoever, or even STOP COMPLETELY ON THE FREEWAY. Now, I know that there is science to it, that cars on a freeway actually act like molecules in fluid, and that there was probably something that happened half an hour earlier whose ripple effect was still being felt...except then we'll get back up to normal speed and everything spreads out, proving that there is actually plenty of space for everyone, and there was no need to slow down in the first place.
Oh wait, annoying things? How about a complete and utter lack of music on the radio at 6am? Well, I guess that's not so bad...Houston DJ's are bit more entertaining and less annoying than Portland ones (though not Nelson; well, he's not annoying anyway).
I'm not even in that bad of a mood...though now my gas tank is empty again. And I have to wake up at 4:45 again tomorrow (Oh boo hoo! Welcome to the real world! Some of us do this for a living!) (You know what? Shut up! Doesn't change the fact that its #!@&*$%@^!ing early!).
Yeah, so, back to bed for me, at least for a little while...I've got pictures of a finally finished and clean room that I plan to put up later today...and other news as well. I believe I have arrived...now I just need another job or two!
...good morning, the time is 6:57 am...

I keep missing a day or two, thinking I'll just remember what I was going to write, and get to it the next day...clearly my life is not yet in order. Just realized I didn't put up a summary from last week's running...and this week is extremely messed up. But honestly, who is actually reading this because I run?
I'm tired of watching the television and seeing absolutely beautiful, dynamic women making something happen, like being the one to take the necessary steps, with some guy, any guy, good guys and bad guys alike. I feel this doesn't happen. And if it does, I'm waiting for it to happen to me. What I mean by that is I'm waiting for what happens on TV to happen to me exactly, like, not just that its a pretty girl with a crush, or one who is coming on to me instead of me coming on to them, but for it all to be perfect. Cause its the right girl, the right time, there are no qualms, no doubts, it just happens, and everything would be good...
...but this is real life. It doesn't happen that way.
Is that a common theme in life, that it never is quite what fiction tells us it could be? All these mythical moments that we read about in books, find in history, watch on television or in the theater, or in the theatre for that matter...do they ever happen in real life? Or do we make it all up and pay good money to indulge in fantasies precisely because they are just that, fantasies? I'm sure its one of the myriad pieces of wisdom that I will not have until it is far too late to use it. Perhaps another theme of life...youth is wasted on the young, and wisdom wasted on the old...

So, the secret to this post is part of it was written yesterday, and the rest written today. I have no idea if the second part is what I had in mind when I wrote the first part. I have also naturally forgotten the rest of what I was going to say.
So I won't say it.
More coming soon.

Haven't written in a while. Oops. Sorry about that. Not like there's that many people reading this anyway...are there more than five? I'll probably never know. Oh well...
Feel like a lot has happened. Oh yeah, Yom Kippur. Jewish Day of Atonement. Day of Fasting. Supposedly a day of rejoicing as well. Honestly, I'm not sure I felt much of any of that this year. I didn't ask hardly anyone for forgiveness for the wrongs I have done them the past year. I never did the Tashlich service, where we symbolically throw away our sins. And today, the day after Yom Kippur, I'm not acting any different. My morning was squandered when my alarm didn't go off, my car still isn't registered in this state, I still don't have a second job, and I've still got stuff in boxes outside my room...
...guess I'm still waiting on that rhythm, or at best desperately fighting for it. And it frustrates me, because in moments of clarity, I see all these things that I want to do, work that I actually want to get done, and I berate myself for wasting hours like I do on stupid pointless shit. But then I never seem to have that clarity or awareness in the moment, when I'm wasting that hour, or even that minute, on something that doesn't matter, like television, or some weird tidbit I found on digg.com, or watching a music video...
...maybe I should just disconnect my computer. But I need that to get some of that work that I have done. Irony?
Ok ok, enough self pity. Back to business. As a part time heretic, and someone who is simply aware of how religion works, I do not believe that just because it is the day after Yom Kippur I am stuck with my sins for the next year. Forgiveness, if it means anything, means as much on the day after the Day of Atonement as it does in the ten days preceding it, so, if I have harmed you in any way in the past year, I ask your forgiveness for it. I do not do this because I believe it is necessary to cleanse my soul, nor do I see it as a requisite to being a good person, but I do acknowlege that I am a human being, with flaws, and that its a good thing to both recognize that, and to at least make a gesture of reconciliation with those who have been hurt by my imperfections. I know that this is a very impersonal way to do it, but honestly, I have no idea who I have hurt, or how, and while I should probably just ask everyone I know to forgive me, it seems rather pointless if I don't know what I'm being forgiven for. So, again, if I have hurt you, I am sorry, and I ask your forgiveness.
What else? Oh yeah, I would have summed up my running week sometime in the past few days. Can't really do that now, don't have my running log with me. It wasn't that heavy a week, except for the killer 400 interval workout we did in the middle of the week. I felt that for a while.
I'm sure there were other things that I wanted to say, complain about, marvel at, and simply comment on, but honestly I don't remember what they were. That's what happens when you fall behind in things like this: things fall by the wayside. Actually, seems like life has a lot of that, little things that just fall by the wayside, and you might notice at a time like this when you're taking stock of things, but honestly in another few hours, it'll be out of my mind, and whatever it was that I was going to say, or record about what I had thought or experienced in the last four days, will be gone forever. Most likely anyway. Odd kind of thought, isn't it. I wonder sometimes if when we're done with life that part of heaven or whatever will be a recording of some kind of our life, where we can see EVERYTHING...what we did, what we were thinking, what could have been, what other people were thinking or doing at certain times, or maybe all the time...you know, did she really like me? What did he think of me in that moment? Was she really that offended? Did he really believe what he was saying?
I think that would be an interesting thing to see.

One thing that I do remember: For those who don't know, Bill O'Reilly is a scary scary man. He believes he is objective, when his show is one of the most blatantly biased pieces of mass media I have ever seen. Certainly more frightening than the show itself is that people watch it and believe they are getting unbiased information. It is just unbelievable how many times he'll say something along the lines of "I don't want to point fingers, but..." and then essentially point a finger, or "I don't want to lay blame without due evidence, but..." and then go ahead and lay blame without due evidence. This is simply not responsible journalism, and not even responsible editorializing. Bias isn't even a bad thing. Selling bias as unbiased however, is not only disingenuous, its dangerous if your viewership is ignorant or trusting. And I bet a lot of them are; I certainly don't question what I read in the news and the media enough.
So, enough of that, back to work...